February 28, 2011 - 11:40pm
Weekend Movie Guide: Bieber Fever at the theater
BY DAVID TAO
Back in the ’90s, everybody loved Jennifer Aniston. Dating/hating Ross on TV, dating Brad Pitt in real life, she was what every guy wanted and what every girl wanted to be. And this Valentine’s Day weekend, she’ll be smooching Adam Sandler on the big screen in “Just Go with It” and … nobody really knows or cares who in real life. Strictly speaking, she's just Adam Sandler's secretary, who poses as his soon-to-be ex-wife to convince the girl he's actually hitting on that the wedding ring she found in his bag wasn't just a sleazy gimmick to get girls into bed. But, after a track record of atrocious rom-coms – “The Switch,” “The Bounty Hunter,” “Love Happens” – its safe to say nobody's interested in the movie either. Today, Aniston and the rest of the “Friends” cast have been supplanted by pop stars who have yet to experience puberty – namely, a shiny, plastic corporate beast named Bieber. His 3-D documentary, “Never Say Never” is from the director of the “Step Up” franchise and features more flawlessly-choreographed dancing and commercial trash-pop than your body has room for. But let’s face it, if you’re going to watch it, you know already. And if you’re a guy being dragged by your significant other (and likely by your nether regions) to this movie, here’s a lesson from Professor Situation (with a capital ‘S’!):
Back of the theater kids. Oh and if anybody cares, there’s a Channing Tatum movie about Rome and another “Romeo and Juliet” clone, only with gnomes, so it’s “Gnomeo and Juliet,” get it?
Yeah, moving on. This week, the Michigan Theater releases “Made in Dagenham,” an inspirational historic tale behind the women’s movement for equal pay. It stars Sally Hawkins (“Happy-Go-Lucky”) as Rita O’Grady, a fictional factory worker who leads a women’s strike at the Ford plant in Dagenham. Also releasing at the Michigan this week is “The Illusionist,” a supposedly excellent French animated picture, supposedly because its critically acclaimed and yet, from the trailer, I have no idea what it’s about. Finally, the Oscar-nominated 2011 short films are making their annual appearance as well. But wait a minute you might say! Short films aren’t worth paying for! Short films are things you watch on YouTube for free! Well, as Ricky Gervais would respond, they must be good, because they’re nominated, so shut up. Except, I’m serious and he was being “hugely mean-spirited” and sarcastic. Well, I’m hoping he was, because “The Tourist” was horrible.
All jokes aside, the options at the Michigan are all pretty good, and the DVD releases are pretty slim, which means for the first time this year, you won’t find your best bets in the “New Releases” section of the video store. There’s “For Colored Girls,” Tyler Perry’s attempt at a good movie – come Easter, he’ll be back in drag, which sort of tells you how well that experiment went. And there’s “Paranormal Activity 2,” which was less than scary the second time around, and promises to be even less scary if you let it haunt your TV.
