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Saturday, May 26, 2012

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Sweet 16: ''ER'' declared DOA, ''Looney Tunes'' says ''D''oh!''

BY RYAN BLAY
Daily Arts Writer
Published March 26, 2001

Notwithstanding a matchup between "Iron Chef" and "Scooby Doo" that resembled a Duke-Maryland game, the Daily TV Tournament"s round three produced such dominating blowouts that a number of teams had their asses handed to them on silver platters (with "Silver Spoons").

Apparently somebody forgot to tell "Family Ties," "Looney Toons," "ER," and "NYPD Blue" to show up. Each show received no more than two votes this round, despite solid regular season performances from Detective Sipowicz, Alex P. Keaton and Foghorn Leghorn.

"ER" especially went down hard. Despite being the number one ranked prime time show, many questioned the staff"s heart. One question on everyone"s minds: Why give Dr. Greene (Anthony Edwards, departing after next season) a brain tumor? Why not allow him to go down in honor and without cheesy melodrama, as in "Top Gun?"

"X-Files" folded to "The Sopranos" when Scully and Doggett realized that the mob hit is still in its prime, while the "X-Files" is waning. "The Wonder Years" topped "South Park" when Trey Parker and Matt Stone, concentrating their efforts this year on the new "That"s My Bush," realized that nobody has actually watched any of the new South Park episodes.

In the quality games. "Survivor II" remained alive (insert your own "voting off the island" joke here) when Ricky Schroeder voluntarily quit, rather than listen to castaway Jerri for one more second. This is especially pleasing, since it allows us to display more photos of cute castaway Elisabeth Filarski!

Finally, the main matchup. The battle between the gang at "Scooby Doo" and "Iron Chef" took place in Kitchen Stadium. The secret ingredient was a snow ghost that was secretly a prospector hoping to scare away people from land he wanted to buy. Despite Chef Morimoto"s attempts to cook up something Scooby and Shaggy couldn"t eat, he couldn"t. Celebrity panelists The Harlem Globetrotters, Batman and Robin and Don Knotts all rated challenger Scooby"s action superior.

Round four"s main event features "Scooby Doo" trying to solve the mystery of who capped ex-Sopranos Big Pussy and Richie Aprile. Newly made man Christopher Moltisanti will no doubt try and score some drugs from the psychedelic Machine.

This round"s other matchups: Cinderella "Saved by the Bell" versus cartoon extraordinaire "The Simpsons." Seinfeld tries once and for all to figure out what is the deal with "The Wonder Years." Finally, "Survivor II" tries to, well, survive Bill "Fat Albert" Cosby" and the adorable cuteness of Raven Symone. Rumor has it he will try and convince Kodak film and Jello pudding to sponsor his quest to dethrone the Barramundi tribe.

When this round"s results are announced, we will have a special guest Final Four commentator: Punky Brewster. Yes, that"s correct, everyone"s favorite 1980s orphan and "Saved by the Bell" guest star will be providing color commentary for us on the Road to Snoqualmie, Washington. Until then, keep voting. The Filarski Trophy is in your hands.