March 29, 2011 - 8:08pm
Rappers narrate your sex videos
BY ANDREW LAPIN
50 Cent was just sued by a woman angry that he posted a sex video of her on his website. That’s not the funny/weird part: According to the AP article, Fiddy only posted the video after “editing himself into it as a wig-wearing narrator.” This is, of course, the logical next step in Mr. Curtis Jackson’s illustrious film career, after the critically (not) acclaimed “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” and “Before I Self-Destruct.”
But this case brings to light a far more important issue: Which rapper would you want donning a wig and narrating your sex videos? Let’s compare, shall we? Here’s what I imagine would happen:
Kanye West
Auto-Tunes your orgasms, with special guest T-Pain. Also, he does not let you finish.
Jay-Z
He’s totally wearing that Statue of Liberty crown. You know, because he loves New York so much.
Eminem
Makes tasteless jokes about Kim Basinger, then tells you to lose yourself.
Vanilla Ice
Ruins everything.
