Random: Hello?

The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Katherine there?

R: Yes.

TMD: Hi, I’m calling from The Michigan Daily and you’ve been selected to do this week’s Random Student Interview.

R: OK …

TMD: Do you want to do it?

R: OK, sure.

TMD: First question: What did you do this weekend?

R: Well, on Friday, I went salsa dancing, and on Saturday, I went home, and on Sunday, I spent Easter with my family.

TMD: Very cool. That’s what I like to hear. Did you have an Easter ham or something like that?

R: No, I don’t like ham, but my grandparents ate some ham. We had pierogies because we’re Polish.

TMD: Cool. Did they make any ham related jokes like “I’m going to pig out” or “I’m bacon you not to eat more?”

R: No.

TMD: Why not?

R: Haha, is this a joke or is this a real survey?

TMD: This is a real survey. If you’ve ever read the Random Student Interviews of the past, this is the norm.

R: I’m sorry, I’m just a freshman, but I am actually very interested in The Michigan Daily because I wanna maybe participate some time … but anyway, no, they did not make any jokes like that.

TMD: OK, fair enough. Are you a fan of guys who wear cowboy hats?

R: No.

TMD: Why not?

R: Because I don’t like cowboys.

TMD: What’s wrong with cowboys?

R: I don’t like the whole image of them.

TMD: What about the sombrero that you get at Chi-Chi’s? Do you like those?

R: Only if they’re real Mexicans. I don’t like when white people wear them.

TMD: Oh, very astute, I guess. Did you watch “Sister Act 2” this weekend?

R: No, I did not.

TMD: Man, it was on twice, you should have caught it.

R: Well, I don’t have a TV.

TMD: You mean like in your life or here?

R: Here. We have one at home.

TMD: So why didn’t you watch “Sister Act 2?”

R: Hahaha, because I didn’t watch any TV.

TMD: Well, it’s a shame. It’s a good movie. What do you think about this weather today?

R: It’s very nice.

TMD: OK. Did you notice that the people walking around outside today looked a lot hotter than they did a couple weeks ago?

R: Yeah, everyone looks a lot better. I definitely agree with you.

TMD: I don’t know if you saw me, but I was getting some whistles.

R: I’m sure you were.

TMD: Did you get any whistles?

R: No, I didn’t. It was a quite a shame, but I guess that’s OK.

TMD: Maybe they were dog whistles, and you couldn’t hear it.

R: Haha, maybe.

TMD: OK, will you go to the beach at all this summer?

R: Well, it depends on if I travel. Do you mean like ocean beach?

TMD: Yeah.

R: If I travel, yes.

TMD: Has anyone ever asked you to run suntan lotion on their back?

R: Um … no.

TMD: Let’s say a guy asked you that. Would you do it?

R: It depends how he asked, I guess, and what kind of mood I was in.

TMD: How would he have to ask in order for you to do it?

R: Nicely. He would have to say please.

TMD: And that’s it? And you would do it?

R: Well, it depends how he looks.

TMD: Oh, so he’d have to be hot?

R: No, but if he was a sleazy old guy, I don’t think I would.

TMD: But why would a sleazy old guy ask you?

R: Well, because he’d be alone and he wouldn’t have anyone to do it for him, so I’d assume … I kind of have to take a shower now because this is taking a while. My roommate would actually like to finish for me, if that’s OK.

TMD: Sure, why not?

R: OK, I hope you’re having a good time.

TMD: Oh, I am.

R: Hello?

TMD: Hey, who’s this?

R: Kate.

TMD: Hi, Kate. So I guess you’re finishing up the rest of the interview?

R: Sure.

TMD: Why did your roommate leave?

R: She’s going to take a shower.

TMD: I think that’s a lie. Why did she really leave?

R: She’s standing in a towel right in front of me. I’m not lying to you.

TMD: Whoa, OK. Chill out Kate. Is that your name?

R: Uh, yeah.

TMD: OK, we just asked about the suntan lotion. Would you ever rub suntan lotion on someone’s back if they asked you to?

R: Yeah.

TMD: Does it matter who asked you? Would you do it to everybody?

R: Yeah.