R: Hello?

TMD: Hi, is Carly there?

R: Hold on one second … hello?

TMD: Hello, you’ve been selected to do The Michigan Daily Random Student Interview.

R: OK.

TMD: You got some time?

R: Yeah.

TMD: All right. Be honest: How depressing is it outside right now?

R: Yeah, it’s pretty bad.

TMD: Do you want to elaborate on that? Any personal stories?

R: Um, no.

TMD: So what, are you too busy sitting indoors drinking and listening to Elliot Smith?

R: No …

TMD: So what else are you listening to? Joy Division? Nirvana?

R: Um … all sorts of stuff. What am I being interviewed for?

TMD: The Michigan Daily Weekend Magazine.

R: Yeah, I know what that is.

TMD: Inside the front cover they have the Random Student Interview.

R: Oh really?

TMD: Yeah, you should read it more often because usually they’re pretty funny.

R: I don’t want to be on that! That’s embarrassing!

TMD: Why would it be embarrassing?

R: Are they going to know it’s me?

TMD: It’s going to say your name, Carly, and that’s it.

R: Oh my god, can they do this? OK, I’ll do it.

TMD: Well, we’ve been reporting the whole time, so …

R: Oh my god! That’s so embarrassing!

TMD: Well, welcome to 2005. All right, do you know where Kashmir is?

R: Like the sweater?

TMD: Yes, like the sweater. I’m talking about the war-torn region between India and Pakistan that’s up for international debate. But don’t worry, it’s not like we go to a really big school and everyone’s going to read that.

R: (incoherent background yelling)

TMD: It sounds like there’s a wild animal loose in your room. Should I call the authorities?

R: (to her roommate) … and he goes “like the sweater” … you talk to him. (Random’s roommate gets on the phone) They’re scared to talk to you, dude. I walked in the room and they handed me the phone.

TMD: Yeah, I’m doing an interview for the Daily, for the Random Student Interview and I seem to have asked Carly where Kashmir is and she said “like the sweater?”

R: OK …

TMD: I take it she’s not a Poli-Sci major.

R: No, she’s not.

TMD: Well, let’s keep her away from international relations. So when’s the last time you saw someone cry in public?

R: Yesterday, I saw a girl crying.

TMD: What happened?

R: I don’t know. She was out in front of the MLB. Wait, it wasn’t yesterday. It was like Friday.

TMD: You tell a really good story.

R: I don’t know what happened. She was crying.

TMD: Was she alone? Did you see if she was all right?

R: No.

TMD: God, you’re a horrible person.

R: I didn’t know her! I didn’t know what was wrong with her.

TMD: So what? No common courtesy? You can’t walk up to her and be like “Excuse me, Miss, are you all right?”

R: No.

TMD: Why not?

R: If I was crying in public, I wouldn’t want someone to ask me if I was OK.

TMD: What if someone came up to you completely cordial and just wanted to make sure you were all right?

R: I wouldn’t like that, I don’t think.

TMD: What if she had broken a bone in her foot and she couldn’t walk and she had to stand out there all night in the cold?

R: Well, I’m sure she has a cell phone.

TMD: What if she can’t afford one because she’s from a real working-class family?

R: Well, I’m from a working-class family and I have a cell phone.

TMD: What if her family is even more working-class? Like instead of blue-collar, it’s like really blue-collar?

R: I don’t know then. She could have went in the MLB. It was during the day.

TMD: Well, let’s just hope she was all right. So zombie movies and zombie video games: Are they disrespectful to zombies and zombie culture?

R: Yeah, they probably are.

TMD: What stereotypes do you think they perpetuate about the zombie?

R: That they eat brains.

TMD: Eat brains. Interesting. Do you think they should have affirmative action for zombies at the University?

R: Probably, yeah. They’re a group just like everyone else.

TMD: So by group, that means that groups like people who eat nachos in their underwear should get affirmative action.

R: Haha, do you know of a lot of people who eat nachos in their underwear?