Random: Hello?

The Michigan Daily: Hi is Ann there?

R: No. Can I take a message?

TMD: Who is this?

R: Rachel.

TMD: Well Rachel, how would you like to be this
week’s “Random Student Interview?”

R: OK!

TMD: First Question … are you ready? Have you ever
Googled your own name?

R: Yes.

TMD: What came up?

R: A lot of sport things from high school. Soccer and
volleyball, but soccer was primarily what came up.

TMD: Where do you like to study on campus?

R: The Asian — aw shoot! I can tell you, but I
kinda don’t want it to be published: the Asian Library.

TMD: In the UGLi? Everyone knows that.

R: No! I thought I was the only one. Wait … (To
someone else) I need my camera. I think it’s under there.

TMD: What was that about? Are you two-timing on me?

R: My friend came in. She’s rearranging her
room.

TMD: Oh, that’s cool. So who do you like in New
Hampshire?

R: Mmm no one. (Off phone again) Katie who do you like in
New Hampshire? Well … I don’t know, look at all the
clothes!

TMD: Hey … FOCUS RACHEL!

R: OK, OK. I’m back, here we go.

TMD: Jeez … do you miss snow days?

R: Oh my gawd, yes! But my high school didn’t have
that many so I’m kinda used to going to school in ridiculous
weather conditions.

TMD: Why didn’t you have more snow days?

R: I don’t know. Our principal was psychotic.
Everybody around us in our district did and we just didn’t.
We were like chucking ourselves in the snow. So I don’t know
what it’s like to miss snow days because I never had
them.

TMD: How many hours do you sleep a night?

R: Um, I’d say eight to seven.

TMD: You’re doing something wrong if you’re
getting that much sleep.

R: Well, I’m a scheduling genius.

TMD: Share some of your genius-y secrets for the folks at
home.

R: Sure. Well my first class starts at one and I’m
done at four.

TMD: Every day? How does that work?

R: The mastermind of scheduling — you don’t
really focus on the classes you want necessarily, but rather the
most desirable time.

TMD: You don’t care what you take as long as
it’s at a good time, correct? That sounds dangerous. OK,
quiz. I’ll name the celebrity, you tell me whether they are
guilty or innocent, K?

R: Yep.

TMD: Kobe?

R: Guilty.

TMD: Michael Jackson?

R: Guilty.

TMD: Courtney Love?

R: She is guilty.

TMD: Harrison Ford?

R: Innocent!

TMD: Presumed innocent. Whitesnake?

R: Innocent.

TMD: Nope guilty … of love. Billy Joel?

R: Innocent.

TMD: Innocent man.

TMD: Mystikal?

R: Guilty.

TMD: Martha Stewart?

R: Guilty.

TMD: Alright let’s forget about the “cruel
and unusual” clause of the Bill of Rights for a minute. How
should Martha be punished? What would be fitting for a homemaker
extraordinaire?

R: Take her into a fabric store, and tell her she can
only look at shit, but she can’t buy anything.

TMD: So you’re not going to put her to death, but
you’re definitely going to drive her insane.

R: Yeah, then have her cook really great meals, but
don’t let her eat them. My phone is about to run out of
batteries. I might cut out.

TMD: Well, we’ll press ahead, but if I lose you,
its been nice talking to you. This will run in Thursday’s
Weekend Magazine. OK, did you watch the State of the Union address
Tuesday?

R: No, but I did go to the Arts Break in the Union.

TMD: Oh, what was last night’s craft?

R: We made jewelry. I made like a beaded alligator
necklace.

TMD: Oh that sounds cool. Hey let me ask you, Rachel, how
did that help the country?

R: It didn’t but it helped me. That’s like
almost as important I think.

TMD: Did any friends play the State of the Union drinking
game?

R: How do you play?

TMD: There were many rules, but every time Bush mentioned
Mars you had to chug.

R: What?

TMD: Didn’t you know we’re going to Mars? The
president said so.