MD

2005-03-24

Saturday, April 19, 2014

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Random suggests state mottos

BY DOUG WERNERT
Daily Weekend Editor
Published March 24, 2005

Random: Hello?

The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Monica there?

R: Yeah, this is she.

TMD: Hi Monica, I’m calling from The Michigan Daily, and you’ve been selected to do this week’s Random Student Interview.

R: Cool!

TMD: Really?

R: Sure, why not?

TMD: Awesome. First question: How was your St. Patrick’s Day?

R: It was fabulous.

TMD: What did you do?

R: I went and hung out with the guys upstairs.

TMD: What did you do?

R: I don’t remember, honestly. We danced around the hallway.

TMD: Did you have a little too much of the green beer?

R: Actually, there wasn’t any green beer involved.

TMD: What was it then? Irish car bombs?

R: Happiness.

TMD: What is happiness?

R: The lack of homework. I remember that we danced around and sang.

TMD: What did you sing?

R: A lot of Latin music.

TMD: Oh, so you knew the words?

R: Not really. It didn’t really matter.

TMD: Haha, I guess not. Is St. Patrick’s Day your favorite holiday?

R: No, I’d have to say Christmas.

TMD: Do you believe in Santa Claus?

R: Yes.

TMD: Oh, so you never had the talk?

R: I never had the talk.

TMD: Are you going to have an Easter egg hunt next Sunday?

R: Yeah, my roommate’s mom usually does one, so I’m really stoked.

TMD: Stoked? Wow, that’s like a word from the early ’90s.

R: Hahaha, I’m sorry.

TMD: That’s OK. No matter how cool or uncool you are, Weekend is open to everybody. So spring started yesterday. What’s better about spring: the better weather or the shorter skirts?

R: I’d have to go with the better weather.

TMD: Why’s that?

R: I come from a state with better weather and because I’m not a lesbian. That helps, too.

TMD: Well, maybe you just like shorter skirts in general.

R: I guess I like wearing skirts!

TMD: There you go. Do you know the saying that “April showers bring May flowers?” Doesn’t that mean the weather in April is gonna suck?

R: I think the rain is kind of romantic.

TMD: So if you had the choice between cuddling in front of a fire and cuddling in front of a window when it’s raining outside, what would you choose?

R: Hahaha, I guess I’d choose a combination.

TMD: I guess that would be the ultimate. Maybe you would have some Luther Vandross playing in the background or something.

R: I don’t know about that.

TMD: Why not?

R: Something more modern would be good.

TMD: Like an *NSYNC ballad?

R: Dave Matthews Band would be good.

TMD: Yeah, for the background music.

R: Background music … sounds like we’re composing a symphony.

TMD: Maybe we are. If you were writing a letter to God, what would it say?

R: Oh, um … I have no idea.

TMD: How would you sign the letter to God?

R: Probably with my name.

TMD: Would you put like “Your Friend, Monica?”

R: No, I would probably just put Monica because you think he would know everything. I wouldn’t know where to address it, though.

TMD: Probably heaven. I think he lives up there.

R: That’s a good point.

TMD: Did you watch the celebrity roast of Jeff Foxworthy last night?

R: I did not. I was going to watch it, but I missed it.

TMD: Oh, are you a fan of his?

R: No.

TMD: Haha, then why would you have watched it?

R: It sounded funny.

TMD: Are you a redneck?

R: No.

TMD: What qualities do you think a redneck has?

R: A truck … things hidden in their yard, maybe? Like how they say they mowed their lawn and uncovered a car. I think there’s all sorts of stuff there that they don’t know about.

TMD: What do you think is a good motto for, say, Montana?

R: Um … “Big and wide, lots of pride. Go Montana.”

TMD: Hahaha. What about Vermont?

R: “Long and skinny, lots of minis.”

TMD: Wow, that’s really good. What about Kansas?

R: Oh …

TMD: How about: “Small and square, don’t go there.”

R: Hahaha, that’s awesome.

TMD: Yes, I know.

R: People wouldn’t go, but …

TMD: Yeah, it’s Kansas. Who cares? If you could be anybody for a day, who would you be?

R: I think I’d be a Broadway showgirl.

TMD: Oh really? Why would you do that?


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