BY DOUG WERNERT
Daily Weekend Editor
Published March 24, 2005
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The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Monica there?
R: Yeah, this is she.
TMD: Hi Monica, I’m calling from The Michigan Daily, and you’ve been selected to do this week’s Random Student Interview.
R: Sure, why not?
TMD: Awesome. First question: How was your St. Patrick’s Day?
R: It was fabulous.
TMD: What did you do?
R: I went and hung out with the guys upstairs.
TMD: What did you do?
R: I don’t remember, honestly. We danced around the hallway.
TMD: Did you have a little too much of the green beer?
R: Actually, there wasn’t any green beer involved.
TMD: What was it then? Irish car bombs?
TMD: What is happiness?
R: The lack of homework. I remember that we danced around and sang.
TMD: What did you sing?
R: A lot of Latin music.
TMD: Oh, so you knew the words?
R: Not really. It didn’t really matter.
TMD: Haha, I guess not. Is St. Patrick’s Day your favorite holiday?
R: No, I’d have to say Christmas.
TMD: Do you believe in Santa Claus?
TMD: Oh, so you never had the talk?
R: I never had the talk.
TMD: Are you going to have an Easter egg hunt next Sunday?
R: Yeah, my roommate’s mom usually does one, so I’m really stoked.
TMD: Stoked? Wow, that’s like a word from the early ’90s.
R: Hahaha, I’m sorry.
TMD: That’s OK. No matter how cool or uncool you are, Weekend is open to everybody. So spring started yesterday. What’s better about spring: the better weather or the shorter skirts?
R: I’d have to go with the better weather.
TMD: Why’s that?
R: I come from a state with better weather and because I’m not a lesbian. That helps, too.
TMD: Well, maybe you just like shorter skirts in general.
R: I guess I like wearing skirts!
TMD: There you go. Do you know the saying that “April showers bring May flowers?” Doesn’t that mean the weather in April is gonna suck?
R: I think the rain is kind of romantic.
TMD: So if you had the choice between cuddling in front of a fire and cuddling in front of a window when it’s raining outside, what would you choose?
R: Hahaha, I guess I’d choose a combination.
TMD: I guess that would be the ultimate. Maybe you would have some Luther Vandross playing in the background or something.
R: I don’t know about that.
TMD: Why not?
R: Something more modern would be good.
TMD: Like an *NSYNC ballad?
R: Dave Matthews Band would be good.
TMD: Yeah, for the background music.
R: Background music … sounds like we’re composing a symphony.
TMD: Maybe we are. If you were writing a letter to God, what would it say?
R: Oh, um … I have no idea.
TMD: How would you sign the letter to God?
R: Probably with my name.
TMD: Would you put like “Your Friend, Monica?”
R: No, I would probably just put Monica because you think he would know everything. I wouldn’t know where to address it, though.
TMD: Probably heaven. I think he lives up there.
R: That’s a good point.
TMD: Did you watch the celebrity roast of Jeff Foxworthy last night?
R: I did not. I was going to watch it, but I missed it.
TMD: Oh, are you a fan of his?
TMD: Haha, then why would you have watched it?
R: It sounded funny.
TMD: Are you a redneck?
TMD: What qualities do you think a redneck has?
R: A truck … things hidden in their yard, maybe? Like how they say they mowed their lawn and uncovered a car. I think there’s all sorts of stuff there that they don’t know about.
TMD: What do you think is a good motto for, say, Montana?
R: Um … “Big and wide, lots of pride. Go Montana.”
TMD: Hahaha. What about Vermont?
R: “Long and skinny, lots of minis.”
TMD: Wow, that’s really good. What about Kansas?
R: Oh …
TMD: How about: “Small and square, don’t go there.”
R: Hahaha, that’s awesome.
TMD: Yes, I know.
R: People wouldn’t go, but …
TMD: Yeah, it’s Kansas. Who cares? If you could be anybody for a day, who would you be?
R: I think I’d be a Broadway showgirl.
TMD: Oh really? Why would you do that?
R: Because it’s just something outrageous and fun that nobody expected you to do out of the blue.
TMD: Yeah, that’s a good attitude to have.
TMD: Has a guy that you didn’t like ever asked you for his phone number?
TMD: Did you give him a fake phone number?
R: No, I gave him my real number.
TMD: Did he call?
TMD: So what kind of guy was this, then?
R: Haha, I don’t know. Normally then figure it out before they call.
TMD: Not me. I would call anyway.
TMD: Did you go to Dance Marathon this weekend?
R: I did not.
TMD: Well, there was like a thousand people there.
R: Yeah, I saw the picture on the front of the Daily, actually. It was awesome.
TMD: Thank you. Well, I had nothing to do with it, but … thanks, anyway. How many times do you think they played “Livin’ On a Prayer” at Dance Marathon?
R: If it’s anything like the Notre Dame hockey game, then like 1,400.
TMD: That’s a lot of times.
R: Yeah, but it’s an awesome song, so it’s OK.
TMD: Did you go to high school dances?
TMD: How come at the end of all of my high school dances, they played “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing?”
R: Haha, because they gotta get that one last slow dance in.
TMD: But why that song?
R: It’s sort of the end-all, you know. They played it at the end of “Armageddon” when he died … it’s sort of the goodbye parting love song.
TMD: How come the pretty girls never danced with me?
R: I don’t know. I would dance with you. I don’t know if you would call me pretty, but I would dance with you.
TMD: You would? That’s very nice. OK, when did the word “heart” become a verb? Like people would say “I heart pizza?”
R: I’d have to say with the invention of IM.
TMD: But it’s been kind of recent. IM has been around for a while.
R: Good point. People are just trying to be original and it comes out stupid.
TMD: Yeah, but you notice nobody is ever like “I simile pizza” if they like pizza.
R: What pizza?
TMD: Simile. A comparison using like or as.
TMD: It’s clever! It’s clever.
R: That’s real clever. Maybe you should start some trends.
TMD: I’m trying.
R: Try harder.
TMD: OK. Finally: Describe your life in one word.
TMD: Well, if I could describe you in one word, it would be random.
R: Yeah, a lot of people would probably say that.
TMD: Do you have anything you would like to add?
R: Thanks for calling me up. You were pretty entertaining.
TMD: Yeah, I know. Thanks for answering my questions. Look for this in Weekend on Thursday.