The Michigan Daily: Hi, may I please speak with Elizabeth?

Random: Hold on, let me get her ...

Hi. This is Elizabeth.

TMD: Hello, you've been selected to participate in this week's Michigan Daily Random Student Interview.

R: Is that the newspaper?

TMD: Uh, yeah. Do you accept?

R: Sure.

TMD: OK, well, then let's get started.

Do you consider yourself a superstar?

R: No, not really.

TMD: Really? You sound like a superstar.

R: Nah, I'm just one of the girls.

TMD: One of which girls?

R: My friends.

TMD: Oh. What's your major?

R: I'm an engineer.

TMD: Aw, I'm sorry to hear it.

R: Well, I'll be switching to LSA soon.

TMD: Good to hear it.

Tell me what you remember about your birth.

R: Absolutely nothing. No one remembers their own birth!

TMD: Do you have a major memory disorder or something? I remember coming out of the womb just fine.

R: Really? Huh. Sorry, I'm blonde. But I know most people I know don't remember being born.

TMD: Have you ever been trainspotting?

R: Can't say that I have.

TMD: Ever gone picking for dingleberries?

R: Nope. I've never heard of those.

TMD: Do you like berries in general?

R: Yeah, they taste pretty sweet.

TMD: Then you should go dingleberry picking. In the springtime.

Have you ever eaten sushi off a naked body?

R: What kind of questions are these? This is a pretty lame prank.

TMD: See, you're wrong there. This interview is for the Daily.

R: Whatever you say.

TMD: Yeah, that's generally how it goes. So, back to this sushi ...

R: I've actually never had sushi.

TMD: Do you think Ann Arbor is a whore?

R: No.

TMD: What city do you see as being a whore?

R: Las Vegas.

TMD: Ah, yes, Vegas is a big dirty whore, indeed.

Do you have a tattoo?

R: Yup.

TMD: Very cool. Me too. What's yours of?

R: A butterfly on my lower back.

TMD: Does that mean it's on your butt?

R: No, my back. And what kind of tattoo do you have?

TMD: I have one of a little guy sleeping on a crescent moon, on my right shoulder blade.

R: Oh, the man on the moon. That's cute.

TMD: Yeah, isn't it?

Does my voice sound sexy to you?

R: This is weird.

TMD: C'mon, just answer the question. We've been through this ... I'm with the Daily.

R: Here, talk to my roommate.

(Sigh.)

TMD: Hello? Who is this?

R: I'm not telling you my name.

TMD: OK, whatever. So, are you going to help me out here?

R: Well, I know this isn't real, but what the hell?

TMD: All I can say is: Wait for Thursday. Then read the Weekend Magazine. Jeez, no faith, no trust.

Where are you from?

R: Guess.

TMD: What is this? I'm the one in charge. I dunno, West Coast?

R: Yep.

TMD: Cali?

R: Uh huh.

TMD: Great.

Have you ever enjoyed the pleasures of synthetic meat?

R: No, I don't eat that much canned food.

TMD: What do you think a kitten would be like on magic mushrooms?

R: It would be like MEEEOOOOWWW! Hahahaha.

TMD: Nice.

Spell Grosse Pointe. No cheating.

R: G-R-O-S-S-E P-O-I-N-T ... E

TMD: Ooh, nice. You're not supposed to know that; you're from California.

R: Hey, I spelled it right, didn't I?

TMD: Yes, I suppose you did.

In one word, sum up our conversation.

R: Random.

TMD: Forgot to tell you - you can't use "random." It's the Random Student Interview, for crying out loud!

R: Why can't I use "random?" That's what it was?

TMD: Will you just please pick another?

R: Bizarro.

TMD: There you go ... wasn't that hard. So, you really don't believe that I'm from the Daily?

R: Not at all.

TMD: Ha! Wonderful.