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Random rejects Hasselhoff lookalike

For the Daily
Published October 22, 2003

Random: Hello?

The Michigan Daily: Hi, Alexis?

R: Uh, no.

TMD: This isn’t Alexis?

R: You know what though, you might want to check with
information. They changed the rooms around and I don’t even
know what my phone number is.

TMD: That’s okay. My name’s Robbie and
I’m from The Michigan Daily and you’ve been selected
for the Random Student Interview. Wanna do it?

R: No kidding, yes.

TMD: I would never kid you dear.

R: Well that’s good.

TMD: What’s your name?

R: Megan.

TMD: Is this your first time?

R: Yeah.

TMD: It’s my first time too. If you and I were
together, I’d make it quick and painless.

R: Awesome.

TMD: You might be screaming my name at the end.

R: Maybe!

TMD: Uh, oh! Let’s get this party started. So, you
live in South Quad. Do you like it there?

R: Yeah, I love it.

TMD: Question: It’s a Saturday night, you are
getting drunk with your friends, do you and your roommate put a
sock on the door to tell each other you’re getting

R: No, actually we don’t have that problem. We
don’t bring guys back to our room.

TMD: I’m sorry. Does that mean you’re

R: No, I hope not.

TMD: That’s okay, I’m ugly too.

R: Shut up.

TMD: Well, your voice is sexy. I bet you’ll be
getting guys to your room soon.

R: Yeah, I’ll work that out with my roommate.

TMD: I lived in South Quad too, you know. What hall are
you in?

R: Eight Thompson.

TMD: I lived there. In your room, look in the northwest
corner. Is there a big stain on the wall?

R: No, there’s not.

TMD: That’s too bad. I left one there. Any idea of
what you will major in?

R: Nope.

TMD: You’re just winging it. General studies?

R: Um, maybe pre-med.

TMD: Would you consider shmee-med?

R: Uh, I thought about it for awhile, but I decided
against it.

TMD: You would go pre-med, but you wouldn’t go

R: Um, pretty much.

TMD: Are you taking shmorgo?

R: Yes, I’m taking it right now.

TMD: Yeah? Is it shmard?

R: A little bit.

TMD: Megan, I believe in two things.

R: Tell me.

TMD: I believe that you will pass shmorgo and I believe
that the children are our future.

R: (laughs) That’s great.

TMD: And another thing, I believe in magic. And, I
believe in me and you. And I believe that if we set aside our
differences, we’d make beautiful children.

R: Thanks.

TMD: What music do you listen to?

R: Name it. I listen to a lot of stuff.

TMD: I don’t know Name It, are they good? Can you
sing a song they sing?

R: Uh … no.

TMD: I got a serious question — are you ready? If
you were a nail polish color, what would you be and why? Go! 3-2-1

R: Hot pink! I don’t know why.

TMD: Wrong, not the answer I was looking for.

R: It matches my bathing suit?

TMD: OK. If you were one of the Hanson brothers, which
would you be? Quick! 3 …

R: The one who …

TMD: No, let me finish counting, 3-2-1 …

R: The one who got a haircut.

TMD: Is that the one who is a girl?

R: Aren’t they all girls?

TMD: Now, I’m a heterosexual male, but I thought
they were all so attractive that I would mmm-bop them all.

R: Really …

TMD: Would you ever go out with me?

R: But I don’t know you.

TMD: I feel like I know you. Do you feel sparks?

R: I don’t usually feel sparks over the phone.

TMD: So, what do I have to do to get you naked?

R: That’s a tough one. I don’t let that many
people see me naked.

TMD: Keep in mind, I’m really, really good

R: OK. It has to take a lot.

TMD: Again, I’m really, really —

R: Sure.

TMD: Excuse me, no interrupting goddammit … really
good looking.

R: You’d probably have to get me really drunk.