BY DOUG WERNERT
Daily Weekend Editor
Published March 17, 2005
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The Michigan Daily: Hi, who’s this?
R: This is Rachel.
TMD: Hi Rachel, I’m calling from The Michigan Daily, and you’ve been selected to do this week’s Random Student Interview.
R: Oh, whoa! No way!
TMD: Oh, it’s true.
R: Oh man.
TMD: So you want to do it?
R: What do I have to do?
TMD: Answer some questions.
R: Right now?
R: OK, sure, why not?
TMD: Haha, OK. First question: How are you and how was your weekend?
R: I’m fabulous and my weekend was not as exciting as I’d like it to be.
TMD: Why not?
R: I’m in a play right now, and I had rehearsal, so I didn’t really get to spend that much time out and about, but I did get a lot of homework done. I don’t know if that makes me nerdy or productive.
TMD: Well, that makes you a thespian.
R: Yes, it does. Perhaps an artist.
TMD: Perhaps. What’s your part?
R: I play The Girl. She’s called The Girl because she can’t decide what her name is.
TMD: Wow, she sounds like a pretty cool girl.
R: Yeah, she’s an interesting character.
TMD: She sounds just like you!
R: Haha, close. But there are some differences, though. She’s a prostitute, so I think that’s where we diverge.
TMD: Yeah, I hope that you’re not like her.
R: No, not in that respect.
TMD: Haha, OK. What’s a better computer game: “Oregon Trail” or Solitaire?
R: Oh, “Oregon Trail.”
TMD: Did you have the old-school black and white version?
R: No, we had the color version.
TMD: Is that the one where you could buy every item known to man to take on your trip?
R: Yes, and then you could die of snakebites or falling in the river.
TMD: Yeah, or getting mauled by a bear. That’s how I died a lot. How come when you went hunting, you could shoot all these different types of animals but you could only bring back 200 pounds of food?
R: Because a human being could only carry so much.
TMD: Well, why didn’t he just bring somebody with him?
R: I don’t know. I guess the people who made that game didn’t think about that.
TMD: So what are you doing for St. Patrick’s Day?
R: You know, I haven’t really thought about it.
TMD: You’re not going to be drinking at 7 a.m.?
R: No, more like 7:30.
TMD: Yeah, you don’t want to start too early. Have you ever had an Irish car bomb?
R: Yeah, I have. I do like them, and I don’t even like Guinness.
TMD: Yeah, I had one and I didn’t really like it that much.
R: Really? I had it in Windsor and it was delish.
TMD: Delish? How would you spell delish?
R: D-e-l-i-s-h. Period.
TMD: Period. OK, I’ll be sure to write that down. So what kind of guy do you think St. Patrick was?
R: I think he was a party animal.
TMD: Haha, why would you say that?
R: That’s kind of how we celebrate his day.
TMD: Yeah, but does that mean that Uncle Sam was like a pyrotechnics specialist?
R: Hahaha, I guess not. I don’t really know what St. Patrick did to be honest. Probably sold Lucky Charms.
TMD: Yeah, did the guy from the Lucky Charms ads freak you out?
R: No, but when I was little, I was scared of the Snuggle bear.
TMD: Why were you scared of the Snuggle bear?
R: I didn’t like his eyes. They were creepy. And it was a teddy bear who talks and moves and touches your laundry.
TMD: Yeah, but that’s like Teddy Ruxpin.
R: I didn’t like him either. I don’t do well with the animatronic bears, I guess.
TMD: Hahaha, fair enough. Would you ever wear a “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” shirt?
R: You know what? I don’t think I would. I’m not Irish.
TMD: That doesn’t really matter. What about one that said “Kiss Me, I’m a Michigan Wolverine?”
R: That would do. It would be more accurate.
TMD: Would you buy one of those?
R: I might buy one of those. It might work.
TMD: If it was between that shirt and a Buck the Fuckeyes shirt, what would you get?
R: “Kiss Me, I’m a Michigan Wolverine.”
TMD: Yeah, it’s just nicer.
R: Plus, how do you buck someone?
TMD: Well, it’s just like a play on their name.
R: Oh, I know. I just think it’s very uneffective. And who are these Fuckeyes? I don’t get it.