The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Sarah there?

Random: Yeah! Who is this?

TMD: Hi, I’m calling from The Michigan Daily and you’ve been selected to do this week’s Random Student Interview.

R: Oh, OK.

TMD: Do you got a few minutes?

R: Yeah.

TMD: And you want to do it?

R: Sure.

TMD: This is good. All right, first off: How’s it going and how was your weekend?

R: It was good.

TMD: What did you do?

R: I went to my friend’s house.

TMD: And what did you do there?

R: We hung around. We listened to music and danced.

TMD: Oh, you danced? To what kind of songs?

R: Well it was a Puerto Rican party so it was all Spanish music.

TMD: Oh, that’s pretty cool. Was there any Ricky Martin?

R: No, there wasn’t.

TMD: OK. Well, whatever. It’s good that you danced. Let’s get on to the real interview. First question: what is your favorite kind of Dum-Dum sucker?

R: Grape.

TMD: You don’t like any of the fancier ones like root beer or butterscotch or anything?

R: No, not really.

TMD: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie roll center of a Tootsie pop?

R: Not sure.

TMD: Haven’t you ever seen the commercial?

R: I have.

TMD: Well, they tell you in the commercial.

R: Oh, three.

TMD: Do you think there’s any sexual connotation to it?

R: I don’t think so. I never thought of that, but I was a little kid when I saw the commercial.

TMD: Well, so was I, but now being older, I think about that more. Like the sexual part and stuff.

R: No, not me. I never really thought about it.

TMD: If you were in porn, what would your porn name be? You can take your porn name by taking your middle name and the street you live on.

R: Haha, it would be Stapercenti Griggs.

TMD: What?

R: Stapercenti Griggs. My mom’s maiden name is my middle name.

TMD: Oh really? I don’t even know how to spell that.

R: You can do Stape Griggs, I guess.

TMD: Stape Griggs?

R: Yeah.

TMD: Do you think that porn actress could get a lot of men excited?

R: Not really.

TMD: Not with a name like that. What if her name was something like Chandelier McPherson? Would that be better?

R: A little better, yeah.

TMD: Who was your favorite Batman villain?

R: The Joker.

TMD: Did you find it weird that there was both a Joker and a Riddler? Did you really think there was a need for two?

R: They were different.

TMD: Yeah, but they pretty much did the same thing.

R: Yeah, but the Riddler was funny and the Joker was creepy so it’s all good.

TMD: Yeah, that’s true. Why do you think Batman needed Robin?

R: All superheroes need a little sidekick guy.

TMD: Yeah, but Superman didn’t have a sidekick.

R: But Superman controlled the world. I don’t know.

TMD: But Batman controlled Gotham.

R: Which was a freakishly scary town.

TMD: Yeah, it was. And for some reason it looked a lot like New York City, didn’t it?

R: Yeah, it did a little bit. Mmm hmmm.

TMD: Do you think “My Happy Ending” by Avril Lavigne is the ultimate breakup song?

R: I don’t know that one off the top of my head.

TMD: You’ve never heard that song?

R: I think I have. I don’t remember how it goes.

TMD: It’s very bitter.

R: Do you want to sing it to me?

TMD: Sure, it’s like (singing) You were everything, everything …

R: Oh!

TMD: So you’ve heard it? Do you think that’s a good angry song?

R: Not really.

TMD: Why did you cut me off after only singing about a line?

R: Haha, because I remembered it. Would you like to sing the rest of it?

TMD: Not really. Are you insulting my singing ability?

R: No, I just caught on to it.

TMD: I’m known as the white man’s Luther Vandross.

R: That’s awesome.

TMD: It is awesome. Do you ever watch “Winnie the Pooh?”

R: I used to.

TMD: Why didn’t Winnie the Pooh ever wear pants?

R: The same reason Donald Duck didn’t wear pants.

TMD: That is the perfect follow-up answer, because they wore shirts, did they not? But you don’t see them wearing pants. Don’t you think that was kind of weird?

R: Yeah, it was a little creepy.

TMD: And why did Winnie the Pooh have that dumb name?