The Michigan Daily: Hey, is Princess there?

Random: (A male answers) Oh, yeah yeah yeah, right
here.

TMD: You’ve been selected to do the Random Student
Interview. Do you got a few minutes?

R: Yeah, sure.

TMD: Cool. First question: What was the bigger scandal:
The Clinton/Lewinsky scandal or the Richard Nixon Waterworld
scandal?

R: Waterworld?

TMD: Yeah.

R: That wasn’t a scandal, my friend.
“Waterworld” was a movie.

TMD: So what was the scandal name?

R: Watergate.

TMD: No, you’re thinking of Stargate.

R: Oh yeah yeah yeah, that’s right. Stargate.

TMD: That’s what I thought. Which catchphrase is
more played out: Li’l Jon’s “WHAT?” or Ali
G’s “Booyakasha?”

R: The third one.

TMD: There were only two.

R: No, there were three.

TMD: All right. Define the word “crunk.”

R: Combination of being drunk and high at the same
time.

TMD: Really?

R: Yeah, or it could be many other things.

TMD: What about skeet skeet?

R: The process of ejaculating on your partner’s
… you know, any part of her body, her face or her body,
anything.

TMD: What about Li’l Jon’s pimp cup? Do you
think it would be awesome to take to a party?

R: Oh yeah, because if they saw that cup, you
wouldn’t even have to … you could just push right up
to the keg and it would be filled.

TMD: Yeah, definitely. Did you watch the Olympics?

R: Uh, sort of.

TMD: What did you think of Michael Phelps?

R: He could swim.

TMD: Yeah, he really could swim. If you saw Phelps
walking around campus, would you be like “Man, that
kid’s got a goofy smile” or would you be like
“What up, goldie?”

R: I’d have to say the second one.

TMD: OK, have you been following this election?

R: Somewhat, yeah.

TMD: I think for undecided voters, Bush and Kerry should
face off in some kind of contest, like arm wrestling or something.
Now, if you could have Bush and Kerry face off in some kind of
contest, what would it be?

R: See who could make it across a pool filled with Jello
the quickest.

TMD: What about a board game?

R: Stratego.

TMD: Who would win?

R: Kerry.

TMD: Why not Bush?

R: Bush isn’t that quick.

TMD: Oh, nice. If you were a hot dog and you were
starving, would you eat yourself?

R: Of course, who wouldn’t?

TMD: I know I would. OK, who’s cooler, Princess:
LeBron James or Rick James?

R: Rick James. Even though he’s dead, he’s
still cooler.

TMD: Tom Brady or Marsha Brady?

R: Have to go with Tom Brady on that one.

TMD: But Marsha Brady was hot.

R: Yeah, but she’s old now. Keyword being
‘was.’

TMD: What about Screech Powers vs. Austin Powers?

R: Neither.

TMD: But Screech had a robot.

R: A lot of people have robots. I myself have a computer.
That’s a robot. Am I cool?

TMD: Your computer can talk?

R: If it wants to.

TMD: What can it say?

R: Anything it wants to.

TMD: And Austin Powers had mojo. That doesn’t make
him cool?

R: No, that was fake. It was a big Communist scam.

TMD: The whole mojo thing was a Communist scam?

R: Oh yeah.

TMD: Princess, jeez, come on! Did you ever find it weird
that Marsha Brady was hit in the nose with a football and Tom
Brady’s profession was playing football?

R: I did. I once contemplated that for hours. It’s
daunting to think about that.

TMD: It is daunting, Princess.

R: Yeah, I don’t know what my mom was thinking when
she named me that.

TMD: If you were a girl, what would your name have
been?

R: Probably Peter.

TMD: If you could “Punk” anybody, who would
be at the top of your list?

R: You.

TMD: Me? Well, my list is the Pope, Jared from Subway,
Mr. T and Mary Sue Coleman.

R: Mr. T is good.

TMD: What about Mary Sue? You wouldn’t Punk
her?

R: On the weekend, maybe.