It's been more than a month since my last recap of celebrity "news" (sorry, I'm lazy), and sadly, the big stars haven't brought anything new to fill celebrity tabloids and websites. Britney Spears is still regressing into her white-trash youth while attempting to reel in her freeloading husband. Tom Cruise is still preparing for intergalactic war and is ready to eat any "heathens" (children especially - they're our future) who speak disapprovingly of Scientology. And Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have yet to exchange blood in a public ceremony or spawn the beautiful child Us Weekly will likely refer to as our savior.

Instead, it's been some of the smaller and newer names in entertainment who've kept us busy in the checkout line.

Pete Wentz, of perennial emo-rock favorite Fall Out Boy, made news for pulling a Paris Hilton recently when incriminating pictures he took of himself using his Sidekick phone ended up on the Internet. For Wentz and his embarrassing asymmetrical haircut (worthy of the finest anime), the incident fortunately didn't gain as much attention as Hilton's snaps outside of a legion of Hot Topic-clad teens taking a break from discussing their favorite "Napoleon Dynamite" quotes before sullenly returning to their LiveJournals.

In other revealing news, Victoria's Secret model/goddess Adriana Lima said in an interview with GQ Magazine that "sex is for after marriage," and that any men she had dated before had to respect her strict Catholic beliefs or the relationship wouldn't work. The voluptuous Brazilian counts New York Yankee Derek Jeter as one of the former flames who wasn't able to swipe her V-card. Somewhere, I'm sure Alex Rodriguez is breathing a sigh of relief. That A-Rod's a jealous one.

Lima should instead look over to her fashion counterpart, Kate Moss, for lessons on proper model behavior. First rule: Coke is your only food group. Second rule: Lesbian sex with other models is a must. Third rule: Don't listen to ugly people.

Moss's former agent revealed in the U.K.'s Sun newspaper that she stashed cocaine, ecstasy and the date-rape drug Rohypnol in a $100,000 Faberg