This is the worst time of the year. Every day I wake up and it's four degrees outside. As the Daily's film editor, on Sundays I walk five miles to the office to assign new movies to be reviewed. And every film staff meeting goes something like, "And this week we have 'Epic Movie.' Who wants it? C'mon guys. Anyone? (45-second pause) Anyone?"

This is the worst time of the year. Every day I wake up and it's four degrees outside. As the Daily's film editor, on Sundays I walk five miles to the office to assign new movies to be reviewed. And every film staff meeting goes something like, "And this week we have 'Epic Movie.' Who wants it? C'mon guys. Anyone? (45-second pause) Anyone?"

And I don't blame them. There's about a three-or-four month period starting after New Year's where the movies released usually range from bad to worse. By my count, blockbuster season begins at the end of May, when whichever new "Star Wars," "X-Men" or "Spider-Man" movie gets released on my birthday. But we've got a long road until then, so let me show you what the dark months bring us this year.

So far this winter season, "Alpha Dog" proved to me that I can still be offended by movies. Watching a crying 15-year-old be executed? Offensive. Finding out it was a true story and those involved are still mourning or awaiting trial? So offensive. On a lighter note, "Smokin' Aces" was some sort of nightmare that involved chainsaw-wielding Nazis, Van Wilder taking himself seriously and Ben Affleck with a leather-daddy mustache. Chilling. And finally, I was pleased to induct the epic werewolf love story, "Blood and Chocolate," as the newest member of my "worst of all time" list between "Rollerball" and "My Giant."

In the near future we've got a vast spread of delights. This week, for instance, there's "The Messengers." Yes, the studios have heard your demands and can clearly see that you want more horror movies with scary children pointing ominously at things. If that's not enough "The Hills Have Eyes 2," "Hannibal Rising," "The Abandoned" and "Zodiac" should thoroughly convince you to never leave your house again since you will be attacked by mutated cannibalistic ghosts who read horoscopes.

On the "comedic" front (and I use that term loosely) we have "Norbit," Eddie Murphy's apparent attempt to get everyone to not take him seriously again, because nothing goes together like "Academy Award Winner" and "fat suit." "Music & Lyrics" also comes out soon, which I'm very much looking forward to as I seem to have developed a completely heterosexual crush on Hugh Grant. Have you seen "About a Boy" and "Love Actually?" The charm!

Also somewhat promising are "Hot Fuzz" and "Reno 911!: Miami," two cop comedies from the guys who brought you "Shaun of the Dead" and, well, "Reno 911!" In the law enforcement theme is "Breach," in which Ryan Philippe tries to expose Chris Cooper as a spy in the true story of the greatest national security breach in history. The story looks like it could be intriguing, but I keep having terrifying flashbacks to "The Good Shepherd."

On a much stranger note, we have "Black Snake Moan," where a very grizzled-looking Samuel L. Jackson has a half-naked Christiana Ricci chained up in his house. I'm just confused. Is it a comedy, a drama or an excuse for Samuel L. to be in another movie involving snakes? I guess we'll find out. Justin Timberlake is in there too somewhere. Apparently someone told him he's an actor now.

Finally, every year there has to be at least one film during this bleak period that throws some solid-action into the mix. Last year it was "V for Vendetta" and before that "Sin City." This year we have "300." An adaptation of Frank Miller's graphic novel about 300 Spartans fighting a million-man army, the film is being dismissed already by some as a purely masochistic, chauvinistic male fantasy. And since I'm definitely one, and probably both of those things, you can bet I'm looking forward to it.

Are you really going to walk to that party on Prospect and South Forest with the wind chill at minus 20? No way. Go see a movie. Even if most of them are awful, you can at least walk out exclaiming, "Did you see that guy get rocked by that Nazi's chainsaw?" or "Who knew werewolves could be so sexy?" Sometimes a truly bad movie can be just as much fun as a good one. And if you believe that, we've got a whole lot of fun ahead.

- Tassi doesn't really live that far from the Daily. E-mail him at tassi@umich.edu.