1. Broadcasting screw-ups are abundant in live telecasts. Remember that whole Janet Jackson ordeal? Wasn't that awesome? Telling all of your friends in high school that you finally saw a celebrity's boob on TV? Insisting that they were "going to be able to show this shit all the time now." Well, despite the five-second tape delay, these occasions turn Hollywood's biggest night into television's biggest farce. It's fun watching people scramble on stage to get out of the cameraman's shot. Plus, "Mad TV" jokes will fly right over your head if you don't watch - and that's something too embarrassing to admit in public.

2. Facebook losers are life losers. Take that, question-mark-for-a-picture dude! But if you happen to be a 2006 Oscar loser, the buffer prize for your stolen moment of fame is three days at a swanky Vegas hotel, free Lasik eye surgery and a set of high-thread-count bed sheets to cry yourself to sleep on or indulge in some Sin City rehab.

3. Heath Ledger is not really your friend. Nor is Johnny Depp or Chaka Khan. But Jon Stewart will try hard to woo the audience in his hosting debut. After all, he's the follow-up to the veteran host Chris Rock, who delivered hilarious lines such as, "You want Russell Crowe and all you can get is Colin Farrell? Wait. 'Alexander' is not 'Gladiator.' " Um, yeah.

4. Ugly people don't get laid. Interested in whatever you can get? Botox-deprived Oscar nominees get awards. Cue the scary, eyebrowless image of Charlize Theron in "Monster" that earned her 2003's best actress. On that premise, George Clooney's best supporting actor nod for his plump performance in "Syriana" should earn him French-fry fame.

5. Dead people can't update Facebook. But that doesn't stop them from winning Oscars! If an actor gets nominated for a role where his character is shot off a horse, strangled in a kimono, drowned in a canoe or likewise during the movie, his chance of winning increases. In past years, the bulk of Oscar-winning men have portrayed soldiers. No wonder Jim Carrey has yet to go to bed clutching an 8.5-pound naked man.

6. "Brokeback Mountain" jokes can never get old. If you're too busy updating your Facebook, you'll miss all of the hilarious gay jokes. Those are always funny, right? Then, you'll be out of the loop with all of your friends when they're quoting Jon Stewart's left-wing, borderling-insensitive jokes about cowboys. But seriously, Stewart is funnier than your friend's profile that says his interests are "masturbating and smoking crack."

7. Scarlett Johansson. On the off chance that "Match Point" deserving wins best adapted screen play, you'll get to see Scarlett Johansson on stage. And that's definitely better than looking for that cute girl in your cultural anthropology class. Guaranteed, Scarlett is better looking and will probably be just as drunk as most sorority girls, and more fun to laugh at.

8. Awkward shots of celebrities in their seats. Who doesn't love seeing Angelina Jolie looking around begrudgingly at all the bitches that got nominated instead of her. "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" was a fine film. Plus, watching actors/actresses force back tears when they don't win is one of the most enjoyable Oscar experiences.

9. Extravagant dance sequences from aging celebrities. Now, Jon Stewart's knees aren't as close to breaking as Billy Crystal's, but it'll still be funny watching him awkwardly stumble around the stage. Then, you and all your friends can try to recreate his moves after you finish your "Napoleon Dynamite" routine. Sweet.

10. The Oscars happen one time every year. Just get away from your computer for a couple of mind-numbing hours. I promise no more friends will have recently updated when you get back. They're all watching the Oscars.