First year student Sarah Martin was learning about bereavement in one of her nursing school classes, but studying remained far from her mind that Saturday night. She had traveled to Colorado for her first karate convention with her coworkers from Keith Hafner"s Karate School. Surrounded by friends at a banquet dinner, she was thoroughly enjoying herself.

That was when her colleagues called her out of the room.

"They told me I had to call home, that there was a family emergency," Sarah recalled. "I thought there was someone in the hospital with a broken arm."

Family ties

The oldest of six children, Martin shared a room in her parents" house with her two sisters, Amanda and Molly. Born within a three year span and enrolled in consecutive grades in school, the girls shared so much that their parents dubbed them "SAM" an acronym combining the first letter of each of their names.

The family resided in Chelsea, a small town located a few miles west of Ann Arbor. Here the Martins attended St. Mary"s Catholic Church and took karate classes together. Sarah, Amanda and Molly all had achieved the rank of black belt along with their mother, younger sister Katy and younger brother David. The sisters spent countless hours laughing and discussing friends, sports and school together over the years. Their conversations continued by phone once Sarah began attending the University.

But Sarah was involved in a different type of phone conversation in Colorado that Saturday night, Nov. 11, 2000. Across the lines, she heard the news that 17-year-old Amanda had been killed instantly in a car accident on the way home from a football game earlier in the day. Amanda"s dreams of attending Hope College to study business and of later becoming a mother would never come true.

Unexpected loss

Like Amanda"s death, the loss of a youth frightens family and friends because it is unanticipated. The deaths of students Candy Wei, Shannon Mayes and Byung Soo Kim during the past academic year impacted the campus in a similar manner. These losses can be particularly difficult for students who have never experienced the death of a close friend or relative before. And in instances of sudden losses, people may experience shock and trauma in a way that isn"t associated with the death of someone elderly due to long-term illness or other natural causes.

"If you have a friend who has just had a death in their family, the first thing to think about is whether the death was anticipated or unexpected," School of Social Work professor Sallie Foley said. "Either way it hurts, but if it was unexpected, the person may not react with a normal grief reaction."

As a result, those responding to unanticipated losses can experience feelings ranging from anger to numbness and shock.

"I think it"s a way for the body to handle the magnitude of what"s going on," said Jim Etzkorn, a counseling psychologist at the University"s Counseling and Psychological Services. "It"s just too big to handle."

Support system

In the aftermath of learning about her sister"s death, Sarah said she didn"t experience denial but simply couldn"t absorb what had occurred. Dazed, she found herself on a bereavement flight home from Colorado. A colleague accompanied her on the trip, but she felt utterly alone without her family.

"I was with people who loved me, but not people who loved (Amanda) in the same way I did," she said.

She felt completely relieved to see her family upon pulling into the driveway of her parents" house. Friends had flown in from as far away as Connecticut and Washington, and her relatives had driven up from Indiana.

"As soon as I got out of the car, there were people to hug and be with," Sarah said. "We weren"t alone for a week. I couldn"t handle being alone."

According to interim director of the University"s Counseling and Psychological Services Todd Sevig, death can be particularly difficult for students who are geographically separated from family the way Martin was when she first received the news. Without the direct connection to a personal support network of friends and family, grieving is a much more difficult process.

Those experiencing grief often fear isolation the way Sarah initially did following her sister"s death. In difficult periods like this, friends should try to be available during the individual"s grieving process and encourage the person to talk about it.

"The main thing is that people need someone to listen and be with them," said Robert Hatcher, the director of the University"s Psychological Clinic.