February 28, 2011 - 11:37pm
Naked Gold Man: Worst dressed jewels of the red carpet
BY EMILY BOUDREAU
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Naked Gold Man, a series of blog posts over the next few days about what we love, hate and tolerate about the crazy hullabaloo that is February awards season. The topic of today's daily installment: Oscar's worst dressed.
The Oscars in themselves are not the greatest. Really, no one wants to see people walk up onstage and make a speech thanking a bunch of random people for supporting them. No, it’s the clothes that make the event – and, in my own opinion, the tackier the better.
It’s boring watching one beautiful dress after another glide by on assorted members of the glitterati. Instead, I love seeing some poor starlet squeezed into an unfortunately colored Dior number like a sausage, posing for the camera instead of hiding in a dark room somewhere. (Granted, I am at home cackling at their outfit demise while wearing a Snuggie, but I like to think that I at least have the good sense not the wear it to the Oscars.) Here’s a look at people who were not nearly so wise.
10. Diane Keaton
Courtesy of A.M.P.A.S.
She looks like Charlie Chaplin with the vest and the glove and the polka dots and the pinstripes. Let’s not forget the gloves (because I guess it’s really cold in L.A.). Look, I get it. Keaton made menswear famous in “Annie Hall,” but too much of a good thing is a reality in this case.
9. Phillip Seymour Hoffman
Courtesy of A.M.P.A.S.
A good example of a bad outfit always provokes multiple questions about the celebrity’s thought process. For one thing, I am guessing that someone must have told him black was a very slimming color. It doesn’t quite work that way when you combine it with the bulkiness and shiny, immobile fabric of his three-piece suit. Then he tops it off with that ridiculous beanie, which makes him look like a middle schooler trying to be sophisticated.
8. Tom Cruise
Courtesy of WireImage
You know, it’s not that hard for a man to dress nicely at the Academy Awards. But he couldn’t even make sure his suit fit right.
7. Lizzy Gardiner
Courtesy of A.M.P.A.S.
She won the Oscar for Costume Design and this is what she wore: a floor length tube of American Express cards that made her look like a long, gold pipe. And she chooses to accessorize her dress with what appears to be a gold curtain. (Though that was perhaps a wise choice, since she doesn’t appear to be wearing anything underneath and it’s the sort of outfit that can get kind of drafty.) Overall, I guess the dress could be an ironic statement about capitalism … but I seriously doubt it.
6. Edy Williams
Courtesy of Edy Williams
A golden oldie from the 1990 Academy Awards. Again, yet another horrific hat. I think it’s safe to say that if you wear a hat, you will not be among the best dressed. I’m guessing her theme here was a slutty Bo-Peep and that she put together this costume using only her lingerie drawer and her local Halloween store. Live animals, though an interesting talking point on the red carpet, are also not advisable.
5. Whoopi Goldberg
Courtesy of A.M.P.A.S.
Her nun’s costume from “Sister Act” would have been better. A goddess-style leopard dress has no redeeming qualities. None.
4. Demi Moore
Courtesy of WireImage
The late ’80s and early ’90s are not well known for their style. However, that’s no excuse for this monstrosity. Bicycle shorts and bustier tops and weird cape-skirts with brocade lining are not a combination any sane person would devise. All she needs is her fanny pack and she’s good to go.
3.Whoopi Goldberg
Courtesy of WireImage
Oh, Whoopi – not again. Didn’t you learn from Demi’s mistake? She looks like an evil queen that has escaped from Disneyland – until she opens up her skirt and blinds you with her horrific aqua pants and the lime green lining. You want to look away, but you just can’t do it. And the fabric looks like it comes from the three ugliest prom dresses ever made. I just don’t see how anybody can put this on and think they look like hot stuff.
2. Kim Basinger
Courtesy of WireImage
Perhaps one of the worst crimes of the red carpet is the self-designed dress. No one demonstrates this more than Kim Basinger. Not only did she select this dress, she made it and probably thought it was incredibly elegant. But Grace Kelly would never be caught dead in it. The skirt has a lurid sheen to it and the sleeves have weird things on them. And then she finishes it off with half of a collard shirt. Very nice, Kim — you’ve managed to take every single horrible style from the ’80s and put it into one outfit. Quite an accomplishment.
1. Bjork
Courtesy of WireImage
You knew it was coming. Although I have to say I’d rather wear the swan than a lot of other things, this dress is always used as the definition of bad Oscar fashion. But as a result, her swan dress has become one of the most iconic dresses of all time – maybe not in a Chanel Little-Black-Dress way, but it’s how many years later and people still talk about the swan. The dress was definitely provoking and that puffy, chiffon silhouette keeps showing up — it’s even in Oscar de la Renta’s Spring 2011 collection. So, yes, the swan dress is bad, but in the best way possible.
WANT MORE? Look out for the Oscar B-side on Thursday, February 24, premiering in a Daily near you, featuring interviews with University alum Oscar winners, a discussion of why and how awards shows are so captivating and more.
