Films opening

Birthday Girl Nicole Kidman as a Russian mail-order bride, where do I sign up? Now seriously, where the hell do I sign up? She is hot and I want her. At Showcase: 1:00, 3:10, 5:20, 7:30, 9:45, 11:40 (Fri. and Sat.)

Slackers Jason Schwartzman returns from a way-too-overdue absence in a teen comedy that is sure to make you understand why he is more proud of his band, Phantom Planet. At Showcase: 1:25, 3:25, 5:30, 7:55, 10:00, 12:00 (Fri. and Sat.)

Films holding

A Beautiful Mind Opie doesn"t deserve all the bashing he has been getting in this paper for this overrated film, but its his own fault for casting Russell "I can have any woman" Crowe. At Showcase: 1:10, 4:00, 6:55, 7:25, 9:40, 10:10. 12:20 (Fri. and Sat.)

Black Hawk Down It"s a showcase for every hot, young, white actor in the business Jerry Bruckheimer sure knows how to keep the minorities down. At Showcase: 12:45, 1:45, 3:40, 5:05, 6:40, 8:05, 9:00, 9:30, 11:00 (Fri. and Sat.), 11:25 (Fri. and Sat.), 11:45 (Fri. and Sat.)

Brotherhood of the Wolf Its hard to believe that Mark Dacascos could actually make a film worse than "Only the Strong," yet here it is congratulations Mark and don"t comeback to our country. At Showcase: 12:30, 3:30, 6:30, 9:25, 12:10 (Fri. and Sat.)

The Count of Monte Cristo The tagline is "Count on Revenge." I got a new one for you: Count on being out of theaters in two weeks. At Showcase: 1:20, 4:25, 7:10, 9:55, 12:30 (Fri. and Sat.)

Gosford Park Robert Altman makes a comeback after the awful "Dr. T and the Women." I guess Richard Gere brings down every film to his stnkin" Buddhist level. At Showcase: 1:55, 4:50, 7:35, 10:20

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer"s Stone They are actually going to make like 47 more of these, and I can"t wait to rip on every one of those as well. Stick your broom where the sun don"t shine. At Showcase: 1:30. 4:30

I am Sam How bout "I am a bad movie?" Or, "I am a good actor in a bad movie?" Wait, I got it, "I am a pretty actress who can"t act but thank god I have a husband who makes redundant yet popular TV trash." At Showcase: 1:15, 4:10, 7:05, 9:50, 12:25 (Fri. and Sat.)

In the Bedroom It looks like another year where one of the best films will not even be nominated for Best Picture. Here"s to you "Dancer in the Dark," "Magnolia" and "Ice Storm." At Showcase: 1:40, 4:35, 7:40, 10:25

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Viggo Mortenson is so good and badass here that you almost forget he was in the botched remake of "Psycho," almost. At Showcase: 12:35, 4:20, 8:00, 11:30 (Fri. and Sat.)

Monsters, Inc. "Mike Wazowski. Mike Wazowski." When you say it, don"t you just hear Boo"s voice? You do, don"t you? I sure do that girl was so cute! At Showcase: 12:05

The Mothman Prophecies Based on true events? Sure, I believe that, just like " A Beautiful Mind" is a true story, too. Yeah, Nash and his wife never got divorced, sure Richie Cunningham, I believe you. At Showcase: 12:10, 2:40, 5:15, 7:45, 10:15, 12:35 (Fri. and Sat.)

Ocean"s 11 Nice cameos by Lennox Lewis and Joshua Jackson because to be honest with you, the one thing this film was missing was definitely star power Julia who? At Showcase: 12:00, 2:20, 4:45, 7:00, 9:15, 11:35 (Fri. and Sat.)

Orange County To be serious for a moment, Jake Kasdan, son of Michigan grad Larry, is actually a very talented director. For proof, go rent the off-beat, funny "The Zero Effect." At Showcase: 1:35, 3:35, 5:45, 8:15, 10:30, 12:20 (Fri. and Sat.)

The Royal Tenenbaums Danny Glover hasn"t been this cool since "Lethal Weapon." And Gene Hackman hasn"t been this cool since "Get Shorty." Has Anjelica Huston ever been cool? At Showcase: 12:10, 2:35, 4:55, 7:50, 10:05, 12:15 (Fri. and Sat.)

Snow Dogs Remember the days when Cuba was touted as the greatest young actor in Hollywood and won an Oscar. I guess "Chill Factor" and "Rat Race" killed that buzz pretty quickly. At Showcase: 12:20, 12:50, 2:30, 3:00, 4:40, 5:10, 6:45, 7:15, 9:20, 11:25 (Fri. and Sat.)

Vanilla Sky Who gave Cameron Diaz all the good lines? At Showcase: 3:45, 6:35, 9:10, 11:55 (Fri. and Sat.)

A Walk to Remember I know she is only 17, but watching Mandy Moore walk around for two hours is the best $9.50 I"ve spent in a long time. At Showcase: 12:25, 2:45, 5:00, 7:20, 9:35, 11:50 (Fri. and Sat.)

Thursday

BOOKS

Acedemic Reception Reception for Ben Novick and his latest book Conceiving Revolution: Irish Nationalist Propaganda During the First World War. 4 p.m., Shaman Drum Bookshop, 315 S. State, free 662-7407.

Michigan Visiting Writers Series Contemporary fictionist Don Lee reads from his provocative works. 5 p.m., Hale Auditorium, 701 Tappan, free 647-6471.