I've spent the majority of my existence obsessing far too much over two things: the Detroit Red Wings and "The Simpsons." The former is an NHL franchise that plays in a building where old bathtubs are considered toilets. The latter is a cartoon about a town of primarily bright yellow people. I can't say that I've had any tangible impact on either of these things, but they certainly have impacted me.

Almost 10 years ago, I sat in Joe Louis Arena and watched Steve Yzerman raise the Stanley Cup over his head. It was probably the happiest moment of my life. I've certainly experienced many more important and gratifying events, but I was nine and at the time I couldn't have fathomed a more exciting experience. To this day, I still care way too much about a sport that basically no one else cares about.

I say this because "The Simpsons" has meant just about as much to me as the Wings have, which is a whole hell of a lot. I own all of the DVD box sets and will continue to buy them even though the later seasons aren't so awesome. My DVR is mostly filled with "Simpsons" reruns that I've already seen many times and, for the most part, own on DVD. I've bought way too much "Simpsons" merchandise including "Krusty's Super Fun House" for SNES, which was basically "Lemmings" with clowns. And I was Bart Simpson for Halloween - more than once.

But, as I'm sure you know, the show isn't what it used to be. I still watch the new episodes, but rarely do I walk away from them satisfied. At the same time, the show is nearing its 400th episode, so it had to drop off eventually. Fortunately - or maybe unfortunately - the most important chapter in "Simpsons" history is just ahead.

On July 27, "The Simpsons Movie" will open across the country. Nerds will stand in line the night before its release. Many of these people will see the film multiple times the next day. Legions of devoted fans will finally see the film most thought would never be made. It will be just like "Star Wars" except (hopefully) no jackass man-child will be waving an overpriced glowing phallic symbol in front of my face. Until then, all I can do is speculate about what Hans Moleman will look like on a giant screen.

My primary concern is that a bloated plot will get in the way of the classic "Simpsons" charm. Based on the trailer - which happens to be mind blowing, and even includes a Gabbo cameo - it looks like an epic plot is in store, which could shorten the movie's comedic legs. The show usually relies on a tight plotline with a lot of comedic freedom. The film's storyline may end up being too grand and restricting.

Most people, however, are just concerned with how funny the movie will be. A common perception among most of the "Simpsons" elite is that the past couple seasons have suffered because Groening and Co. were hoarding the best jokes for the film. This would be great, but it's highly unlikely. Unlike "Family Guy," which doesn't derive any humor from the plot, "The Simpsons" works for its humor, so the jokes aren't exactly interchangeable. Others hope the show's best writers have been focusing on the film for the past few seasons, but the show's best writers left in 1998.

All things considered, I'm still kind of shocked that a "Simpsons" movie is actually being made. If this ends up being some elaborate hoax I may hurt somebody - or at least pay someone to hurt somebody. Although I've never been this excited to see a movie before, I remain cautiously optimistic about the quality of the final product. "The Simpsons Movie" has to be good, doesn't it? Well, maybe not, but it might not matter.

If the movie is decent but not a classic, it will confirm everyone's belief that the show isn't and never will be what it once was. It may be a mildly depressing reminder of the current state of the show, but it shouldn't really be a surprise. At the same time, if the movie ends up being great, then the recent so-so seasons won't matter so much. "The Simpsons Movie" could end up validating seasons 10-18. The show has nothing to lose.

Only time will tell what kind of mark "The Simpsons Movie" leaves on TV's longest-running animated series. But as long as Gabbo's there, you can count me in.

See you in line, fellow nerds.

- Passman will be camped out in a Krusty tent. You can e-mail him at mpass@umich.edu.