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Jim Weber: Dad: You might have won battle, I'll win war

The Michigan Daily
Published November 21, 2003

Dear Dad,


You’re a pretty funny guy. You might be a little sick in
the head sometimes, but you’re definitely funny.

Since I decided to attend the University of Michigan midway
through my senior year at Upper Arlington High School in Columbus,
you’ve done everything in your power to make my life hell.
You always reach into your bag of tricks before The Game to pull
out a variety of practical jokes.

So when I picked up my phone Wednesday night from a caller that
proclaimed he was responding to my advertisement in The Michigan
Daily, the first thought that crossed my mind was, “What did
you do now?”

Previously, your high jinx included the following: putting an ad
in The Lantern last year where “I” predicted Michigan
would “crush Ohio State like clockwork,” lunch with
Neutron Man and trashing my front yard — twice.

But this year you really outdid yourself.

First, you placed a personal ad in the Daily. My Daily readers
can even see the ad themselves by turning to today’s
classified section (you decided it was best to run the ad for three

But for my Lantern readers, the ad goes a little something like

“An Ohio man, lost and looking for love, seeking a big
blue male lover, please call me @ 614-562-2152 and ask for Little
Lost Jimmy Weber.”

When I found the classified myself, my emotions were mixed. I
found it hilarious you paid for the ad, but really creepy that
someone actually responded to it.

Apparently this prank wasn’t enough. As those reading The
Lantern might already know, you ran a contest for Ohio State fans
to find the next big prank, with the winner receiving two tickets
to last week’s Purdue game (by the way, congratulation to
John Chess). I’m still not sure whether the aforementioned
personal ad was the winning prank or not …

You even launched a website, Then you
sent me a T-shirt and sweatshirt with the website plastered on
them, as if I would wear them around town.

Finally, you put flyers all over the Michigan Business School
that said “I’m a closet Buckeye fan.” I’m
sure you will be happy to know that — like the personal ad
— this prank resulted in phone calls. Yes, voice mails of,
“Ohio State sucks!” and, “You suck!” were
waiting for me when I got out of class.

It really does amaze me how much energy you and everyone else in
Columbus spends hating the University of Michigan. You are just a
step below those people with that picture of a kid flicking off the
Michigan football team as a desktop, those that go on the message
boards to swap Michigan jokes and those that call into the local
radio station to state, “Anyone from Michigan should go
straight to hell!” — all of which I have witnessed.

Michigan is the team you love to hate.

In your mind, there is nothing greater than beating the shit out
of the Wolverines because they are the egotistical snobs from
“up north.”

Fine. Who am I to tell you how pathetic that is? Like they say:
Don’t get angry, get even. But I guarantee this: you’ll
wish you never came up to Ann Arbor this weekend.

Now that I think of it, that goes for all Ohio State fans.


Best wishes from Ann Arbor,



Jim Weber can be reached at ""> and encourages Bucknuts
to e-mail him about tailgating at his house (408 E. Jefferson St.)
before The Game.