March 3, 2011 - 5:06pm
Grundler's Gears: Stop jogging in my personal space
BY WILL GRUNDLER
When my superiors asked me to write a blog on student life, I immediately quipped, “But if a student has a life, why would he or she be reading Daily blogs?” We all had a good laugh because we couldn’t think of an answer.
But some students don’t have lives. Those in marching band come to mind, of course, but they aren’t the issue here. The issue here is joggers on campus whose brains are worrisomely small.
Idiot joggers: Just why are there so many these days, and should we put them in jail?
Now, jail might not be an option at this point. But wouldn’t it be great? Yesterday night a jogger knocked over my friend who was biking. I should state that this jogger, like most of the joggers I’m referring to, was male and probably in a fraternity and probably majoring in General Studies even though his Facebook page probably states, with unrivaled wit, “Women’s Studies.”
I used to think that only bikers were annoying, but it’s become clear that aggressive, shirtless joggers bustling through campus and jostling me with their sweaty flesh need to be rounded up, strapped down and force-fed immense quantities of lard.
The good news is that winter is coming. That doesn’t stop the joggers, of course, but it means you can throw snowballs or icicles at them. (Kidding.) And not all joggers on campus are annoying. There are joggers that wear clothes and don’t run you over are and all-in-all extremely polite. Perhaps too polite. I’m referring to most girl joggers, who won’t even look at me as they pass. Maybe I should start jogging.
(P.S. The Daily has spent approximately six million taxpayer dollars installing “The Podium” in an effort to bore readers even more, and to date the blogs have accrued a collective one comment, which was spam. For wristwatches. Please leave some more comments.)
