"The Return" may be categorized as a horror film, but it couldn't muster up enough scares to startle a geriatric ward. Living up to her uncontested scream queen title, Sarah Michelle Gellar ("The Grudge") once again takes on the supernatural as a young woman suddenly hampered by visions in a movie that's 85 minutes of sheer boredom.

Gellar is Joanna Mills, the most attractive traveling agricultural salesperson on record, who shoulders both a history of self-mutilation and epileptic-like hallucinations of a long-haired stalker. "The Return" follows Joanna as she drives from town to town in search of the source of her ghastly episodes. At least Joanna seems to find her creepy visions frightening. The audience never does.

"The Return" has its share of supporting characters, none of which are necessary or even interesting. Sam Shepard ("Black Hawk Down") seems desperately out of place as the only actor competent enough to craft a believable character, while Adam Scott ("The Aviator"), who plays Joanna's co-worker, gives his character little motivation for his attempted rape.

Not only is Joanna's quest borderline random and poorly explained, it yields no coherent outcomes and certainly no scares. Joanna sees strange reflections in her mirrors, finds a ghostly little girl in the backseat of her car and repeatedly hears echoes of the same song, but none of these favorite horror-movie devices ever make you jump.

The few moments of contrived fear are nothing more than a grab-bag of hackneyed horror tricks: bursts of loud noises, close-ups of Gellar's doe-eyed face. The only scene missing is an unsuspecting Gellar in the shower with the villain slowly creeping up the stairs. One potential scare actually ends up humorous - when a ghostly figure appears behind Joanna in a dresser mirror, it's a full two seconds before the movie ineffectually triggers its "jump" effect.

Director Asif Kapadia ("The Warrior") is simply in way over his head. Not that Adam Sussman's script is much to work with anyway - the story wouldn't have lost an inch had the movie been cut to a mere hour. Joanna acts with little underlying narrative motive, moving randomly from situation to situation. When the movie ends, it simply feels like the script ran out.

She doesn't even solve the mystery behind her whole ordeal, because the movie inexplicably solves itself. For the ambitious viewers who cared enough to follow the storyline, there's no moment of revelation; there's no point where the audience is allowed to glimpse how some intricate plot was craftily carved out right under its nose. Instead, the film finally congeals on an unsatisfying last clue that comes straight out of left field. For all its inconsistencies and erratic plot progressions, "The Return" is mind-numbingly predictable. The only twist that could have surprised is not having one at all.

Rating: 1 and 1/2 out of 5 stars

The Return
At the Showcase and Quality 16
Paramount Vantage