COLUMBUS - Do you remember playing capture the flag when you when you were a kid?

When you're the only one left on your team, deep in enemy territory, knowing that at any moment you might get caught? That's what being in Buckeye country is like for a Michigan fan.

That anxiety never quite left during my 24 hours in Columbus, though in the hours leading up to the game, I was welcomed in a friendly way that threw me off. The treatment was comparable to my experience in East Lansing last year. In fact, these fans were, at times, much more willing to chat.

An old man spent 15 minutes telling me about Ohio State's gameday tradition, and several Buckeye fans asked to make sure I was enjoying myself. Sure there were the expletives and an alarming number of insults comparing me to a homosexual, but nothing that made me openly weep. The highest point of my day was walking down the residential Neil Avenue and having an entire street chant "assholes" at my friend and me.

All day, the only thing on my mind - other than The Game, of course - was how overrated these fans really were.

Of course, that was before the game. And as Penn State coach Joe Paterno used to say in those Big Ten ads, sportsmanship is important "before, during and after the game."

Apparently, Buckeye fans didn't have the attention span to listen to the entire commercial.

What erupted after the game was simply pandemonium.

The Columbus landscape already seemed hellish to me before the game, with its spewing smokestacks and buildings swathed in scarlet lighting. Following the game, the city completed its transformation into hell on earth.

Demons cloaked in scarlet were jumping up and down on cars and screaming at everyone walking by. Even though Michigan had lost in Ohio State's closest game all season, the fans decided that a three-point margin was enough to prove that Michigan sucks.

The harassment before the game was language fit for wedding vows compared to what I heard afterward. I was told several times that I perform fellatio and Michigan does, too.

I had to push away several Buckeye faithful who tried to touch me whilst letting me know that I sucked, had sex with other men and was stupid and a communist.

Someone even told me that I would be watching Michigan play Boise State at the Motor City Bowl, a literally impossible scenario.

I didn't understand what happened. It was as if beating Michigan instantly got every fan drunker than an alcoholic at a Bar Mitzvah.

Eventually, fans in Columbus had enough time to actually get drunk again, and their vocabulary descended into three words: Ohio (which they proved they can spell), fuck and Michigan.

What was amazing about the Ohio State fan base was its absolute joyless attitude toward its football team. While our go-to phrase is "Go Blue," theirs is "Fuck Michigan." During the game, they booed the Maize and Blue much louder than they cheered for the Scarlet and Gray. Sure, they love their Bucks, but they hate the Wolverines a lot more.

Their promotional football poster summed it up. At the bottom, after displaying the team's schedule, were two words: "Beat Michigan." That is the Buckeyes' season.

After getting back to the car, I assumed that I had seen the worst of what Ohio State had to offer, but I was wrong.

While waiting to turn out of the parking lot, I noticed two Buckeye fans who looked like they were roughly 65 years old. They peered into the car and noticed our Michigan gear. As they walked around the back of the car, I heard a shaking noise and realized that two senior citizens had banged the antenna on the back of the car.

After two hours of driving, we finally stopped at a Waffle House in Lima, Ohio, assuming we were far enough away to finally sit down and relax.

But sure enough, we walked in and there was a family dressed in scarlet and gray. The family's little girl, no older than six, caught us from her table and said, "Michigan sucks." That's what being in Buckeye country is like for a Michigan fan.