A few months from now, when "Bram and Alice" is canceled, its producers will look back and think, "Where did we go wrong?" The answer is, of course, everywhere. The combination of sloppy writing, predictable storylines and over-the-top acting will hopefully claim "Bram and Alice" as one of the fall season's first victims.
The problems begin with the show's artificial premise. Alfred Molina ("Boogie Nights") plays Bram Shepherd, a pompous Pulitzer Prize-winning author with a reputation for hard drinking and womanizing. Shepherd sulks around his lavish New York apartment, yelling at his assistant, Paul Newman (Roger Bart) and occasionally venturing downstairs to a bar, run by Michael (Michael Rispoli), a former Catholic priest. No bar would be complete without a boozehound, and "Bram and Alice" has Katie (Katie Finneran), a self-centered woman with a mysterious Japanese boyfriend.
If this premise sounds like a stretch, that's because it is. Unfortunately, the show only becomes more farfetched with each passing minute. In the pilot episode, Alice O'Connor (Traylor Howard) pays Shepherd a visit, claiming to be a fan of his. But when he tries to seduce her, Alice claims that Shepherd is actually her father. He's obviously shocked by the news; he isn't too quick, however to embrace his long-lost daughter.
We know Shepherd will eventually come around, but by the end of the pilot, it's unlikely anyone will care. Everything about "Bram and Alice" feels recycled from other sitcoms, especially Katie the barfly: She's simply a blonder, less-funny version of Karen from "Will & Grace." We've also seen the pretentious, egotistical intellectual far too many times, most notably with CBS' now defunct drama, "The Education of Max Bickford." The show's creators are obviously not striving for originality, but developing at least a few three-dimensional characters should be a requirement.
Even the worst of sitcoms can have quality acting, but not "Bram and Alice." Molina is easily the worst offender: Though he's British, his overly-enunciated English tongue is more suited to Tim Curry from "Clue," then say, an author who has lived in the U.S. for decades. Also, watching an unattractive, middle-aged man seduce 20-ish model types is simply unsettling -- Molina's eye movements and gestures border on the distasteful. He's clearly miscast: If CBS keeps "Bram and Alice," they should find a different Bram.
The supporting players don't fare much better. You have to feel bad for Traylor Howard as Alice, though. She's starred in a number of failed sitcoms, such as "Boston Common" and "Two Guys and a Girl," and this show will do little to break her out of "perky blonde" typecasting. Whatever laughs "Bram and Alice" does achieve come from Roger Bart, as Paul Newman. His comic timing is the best of the bunch -- too bad he's only around so the other characters can poke fun at his name.
"Bram and Alice" desperately wants to be funny, but it comes across as merely silly instead. It belongs in sitcom purgatory, along with most offerings from the WB and UPN, however it remains to be seen whether it will end up there. Following the inexplicably popular "Becker," "Bram and Alice" may simply ride on its lead-in's coattails. Hopefully viewers won't be cursed with such an undesirable fate.