Upon returning home last May, I decided to borrow my brother’s DVDs of “24’s” first season. I had never seen the show before, but knew many people who love it. Twenty-seven hours later, I had watched all 24 episodes. Considering season four premiered this past Sunday, I thought it would be fun to watch all of season three … in 24 hours. Here is a diary of my experience.

 

The following takes place between the hours of 8:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m. Events occur in real time.

8:00 p.m. Episode one begins.

8:34 p.m. Things have started rolling, as the Counter Terrorist Unit is faced with a deadly virus that will be unleashed if a recently captured drug dealer/terrorist from Mexico isn’t released within six hours. Nine percent of Los Angeles will be dead within a week if the virus, which kills its host within 24 hours, is released. But now it’s up to Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) to stop it.

8:42 p.m. Apparently, Kim Bauer (Elisha Cuthbert), Jack’s daughter, is the newest member at CTU, after spending the first season as a helpless teenager and the second season as a failed nanny. Thanks to the “Girl Next Door,” America is now safe from terrorism!

8:50 p.m. Episode two begins.

8:56 p.m. Jack Bauer decides to stop using heroin — which he took in order to capture drug dealer/terrorist Ramon Salazar (Joaquim de Almeida) — cold turkey. I just can’t wait until Kim enters into Jack’s office and says, “Can I talk to you daddy?” and Jack responds “Sorry, I’m having heroin freakouts right now pumpkin. Maybe later.”

9:05 p.m. President Palmer (Dennis Haysbert), known to all as keeping people in good hands with Allstate, is distraught over whether to cancel the evening’s presidential debate. But I’m guessing he’s even more distraught over how in the hell Mexico became a threat for biological terrorism.

10:18 p.m. Episode four begins.

11:00 p.m. In the first of what is likely to be many moves by Jack Bauer that should get him fired, he releases numerous prisoners in order to cause a riot in order to break out Salazar. I would really count how many people die in this show to keep either Jack, Kim or President Palmer alive, but then I realized that dying is the purpose of the auxiliary “24” character.

11:02 p.m. The first disc is complete. One down, five to go. Could someone please tell me why I am doing this again?

11:29 p.m. The prisoners have now captured Jack Bauer and Salazar along with numerous guards, and they are forcing them to play Russian roulette for kicks. And Bauer and Salazar have been placed in a “battle to the finish.” Could this be the end for Jack Bauer?

12:31 a.m. Episode seven begins.

1:20 a.m. It is revealed that all events that have taken place thus far have been part of an elaborate sting operation to rid the market of the deadly virus, and Gael was just there to help. Seven hours, and almost no prior event is important. Normally this wouldn’t bother me. But then again, I decided to do this after getting just a combined nine hours of sleep the past two nights.

1:52 a.m. Man, how much would I pay to hear President Palmer say right now “Jesus, I like him very much. But he don’t help me hit a curveball.”

2:06 a.m. Quick pizza break. This is going great so far.

2:31 a.m. Now time for disc three. Wait, where is disc three?

2:40 a.m. Still searching.

2:45 a.m. Still searching.

2:47 a.m. Well, evidently the people who came by my apartment to give me “moral support” hid my disc three and put my disc four in the refrigerator.

3:20 a.m. Episode 10 begins.

4:01 a.m. The series sees the return of Sherry (Penny Johnson), President Palmer’s wife, and the biggest bitch in television history. Really, have you ever watched a show with a bigger bitch than her? I think not.

4:58 a.m. A CTU employee has to go home to pick up her baby and bring her back to CTU because her babysitter has a family emergency. The thing is, she’s never had a baby. I’m waiting for the baby to become a carrier of the virus at any second. Or maybe it’s a robot baby, ready to attack and self replicate at any second. It will be complete with lasers and everything! I’m starting to hallucinate, aren’t I?

5:31 a.m. Half done. My health is deteriorating as I write.

5:34 a.m. Thanks to the time it spent in my fridge, my disc four doesn’t work. Great.

5:38 a.m. With some cloth and a miracle, I’m back in business.