Edwards the worst of sellout Michigan team

By Jonathan Malavolti, The State News

Did you hear? Michigan doesn’t
consider Michigan State a big rival in football, at least not to
the degree of Ohio State. And recently, neither do the media or the
fans.

But hey, I understand, what could possibly compare to the SBC
Michigan-Ohio State Classic? Wait, you mean, you didn’t hear
the news? One of college football’s oldest matchups —
but still just a regular season game — almost got a sponsor.
What’s next? The Bennigan’s Notre Dame-Boston College
Big Irish Showdown? Or how about that Taco Bell Texas-Texas A&M
Nearly South of the Border Brawl?

Honestly, do the Wolverines really need another $530,000 (the
amount they would have been paid in the proposed deal)? I guess
they can use it to pay off recruits — but that’s a
totally different story altogether.

Today, I’m here to talk about football. And while
I’m sure Michigan is nervously anticipating the big game
against the big bad Buckeyes, who are 1-3 in conference play, maybe
they should concentrate on the Big Ten team that’s given them
the most problems in recent years — Michigan State.
That’s right, the Spartans have beaten the Wolverines five
out of the last 14 times. Not a pretty record, but still more than
any other team in that period.

It’s OK though — I’m not jealous — more
shocked than anything.

I mean, why SBC? When it comes to Michigan, there’s only
one group I think that would best represent those loyal Wolverines
fans. Give up? The Michigan Militia.

Some of my most vivid memories from attending games at the Flop,
er, Big House, include the Michigan faithful in those blue and
yellow (maize is a vegetable, not a color) camouflage pants.

In fact, I remember a game a few years back when another
Michigan State fan in the stands near me — drunk and loud,
God bless his Spartan soul — heckled the so-called
“real” Michigan fans around us.

“You didn’t go to Michigan!” he’d shout
at them. “You went to Eastern!”

And while the Spartan fans around him found this hilarious, I
kind of felt bad. I pity those poor folks in Ypsilanti who have to
be compared to the redneck nation better known as the hordes of
Michigan football fans.

All the Michigan student section ever does is follow along with
the band because, well, it’s pretty obvious they don’t
know anything about football except the square roots of the numbers
on the players’ jerseys.

Oh, and those Wolverine players. I can’t think of another
school that pays — I mean “produces,” such cocky
and overrated wastes of talent. I still can’t believe
Wolverines running back Chris Perry was even considered for the
Heisman Trophy last year. He’s just like all the other decent
Michigan running backs — they’re only made better when
running behind that monster line.

But there’s one Wolverine who disgusts me more than all
the other mediocre offensive duds from Ann Arbor, and that is wide
receiver Braylon Edwards.

Here’s a guy who was talking trash before he was anybody.
And he’s still a nobody — just a guy everyone pays
attention to because his mouth doesn’t stop running until 10
yards after his legs do. I’m sure NFL teams will be drooling
over the chance to pick up Mr. Attitude.

And I’m sick of the comeback stories about Edwards making
such an emotional and important decision to stay in Ann Arbor for
his senior year instead of leaving for the NFL. He didn’t
come back because he likes Lloyd Carr, he came back because he knew
his lazy work ethic and lack of talent wasn’t going to cut
it, so he had better return to get his degree in Play-Doh
Construction.

And what’s the deal with Wolverines’ kickers?
Somehow, Michigan can recruit All-American linemen, but they
can’t find one kid in the entire nation that can kick an
extra point? Wolverine placekicker Garrett Rivas is a disgrace and
an embarrassment.

Michigan State has the talent and the heart to go head-to-head
with the Wolverines any day of the week, and we don’t need a
sponsor to pay us off half-a-mil to do it. The Spartans take pride
in their intrastate rivalry, and maybe Michigan should too —
otherwise, it’s going to end up costing them.

But hey, SBC’s always there to back them up.

Jonathan Malavolti is the State News deputy sports editor. He
can be reached at "mailto:malavol2@msu.edu">malavol2@msu.edu.

From me to MSU: a new fight song

By Chris Burke, Daily sports writer