Proposal for the Naming and Classifying of Two New Ailments:

Name: Leonard Cohen"s Disease (LCD)

Type: Musical Usually Terminal

Symptoms: After making a string of mostly quality albums, a musician begins experimenting with his usual sound and attempts something new and "innovative." Though sometimes successful (Ween) and occasionally recoverable (Dylan), this apparent step forward usually finds a given artist placing his foot squarely on a land mine, leaving him to watch his career explode before his eyes. This malady"s namesake, Leonard Cohen, is not the first musician to suffer from it nor, sadly, the last. Other contemporary cases include Sloan and Radiohead and Belle and Sebastian are beginning to develop serious symptoms. Just as someone should (at least temporarily) take away Thom Yorke"s sampler, they should also smash Cohen"s drum machine and synthesizers.

Treatment: All Cohen (and Yorke, Sloan and Belle and Sebastian) needs for a while are his voice and his old acoustic guitar. If he beings to show progress, the attending musical doctor may slowly add bass guitar, and eventually even drums, back into the musician"s diet. Effects pedals, samplers and collaborators (see below) should be reinstated only with the most promising of patients.

Name: Brian Wilson Syndrome (BWS)

Type:Musical Usually Serial and/or Terminal

Symptoms: Like the junkie who eventually turns to mainlining cough syrup, an older musician inevitably looks toward collaborating as a way of rejuvenating his career. BWS is far more serious than a mere one-time duet. Contraction of BWS requires prolonged, painful addiction to one musical "partner." On his new album, 10 New Songs, Leonard Cohen shares writing and singing credit with Sharon Robinson. Robinson (like Wilson"s former "psychiatrist" Eugene Landy) coaxed Cohen out of his mountaintop retreat and into the studio. But Cohen"s new record suffers tremendously under Robinson"s guidance. The synthesizers and drum machines are back, and now Robinson adds her superfluous vocals and half-realized, midi-derived musical backings all over the album, only occasionally feeling it necessary to prop Cohen before a mic and make him sing.

His voice sounds as good as ever, but Robinson"s production does its best to try and show that she"s the real star here, just waiting for recognition. Right. Other contemporary cases of BWS include Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharach"s mutually destructive partnership, and Cat Stevens" on-going collaboration with Allah. Any one of these artists might have a masterpiece left in them, though Bacharach"s case is especially doubtful, so treatment may be worthwhile.

Treatment: Separating the patient from the collaborator is essential to curing BWS. Once the patient can again work by himself, release him from your custody, but continue monitoring him. Should he attempt to return to his old collaborator or find a new one, immediately place the patient under your care again and treat the addiction. If, however, the patient begins working again on his own or simply sits in a corner babbling about various vegetables and how he used to hang with Charlie Manson, let him be. A masterpiece may be on its way.

Grade: C