January 26, 2012 - 9:20pm
Upgrade/Downgrade: College relationships
BY LAURA ARGINTAR
For those who have been hooking up with someone for at least five weekends in a row (which is the “college time” equivalent to three months) the moment which you decide if a one night stand will become a multiple night is fast approaching. In the spirit of this momentous decision, allow me to help you with a comprehensive Upgrade/Downgrade list of reasons why it’s so/not great to be in a relationship. Feel free to comment and add to the list.
Upgrade: Being Shacked Up
- If you really like someone, it’s only natural you want to spend time with them. Especially in winter, when Michigan becomes eternally gray Jump-Off-A-Bridge-January, it’s always nice to have someone to cheer you up. Along those lines, when it’s snowing and going to the bar seems like the worst idea possible, a significant other really comes in handy as a movie partner.
- With Valentine’s Day coming up, having a boy/girl friend can really maximize your gift intake this year. True, boyfriends usually give some of the worst presents (sorry guys, but we’ll probably never wear that terrible necklace/sweater/scarf you had your mom pick out) but it’s still really fun to open something! And, if you have a birthday in the near future, having a boy/girl friend is an added bonus.
-Your friends can also benefit from your recent relationship status —unless, of course, you become that girl who stays at her boyfriends’ 24/7 or that guy who is so whipped it’s painful. But, in the event that you two are the “power couple” and your friends genuinely still like to be around you (hint: this involves minimal PDA) then it’s always exciting to have the epic pregame in which each side unites their friends together. She brings her friends/ he brings his friends. Hopefully they get along. In a successful scenario it’s a win-win situation for both the couple and the friends.
- Lastly- and probably the reason why you guys got together in the first place- we all know what having a steady boyfriend/girlfriend means in college: steady (safe!) action. Need I explain this further?
Downgrade: Getting Hacked Up
- Is there anything worse than bumping into your ex who just cheated on you with that slutty freshman in your Anthrobio 161 class? What about the moment when you think you’re finally safe, only to be suddenly ambushed by said slutty freshman, while she kisses your ass and throws her tits in your face? In these instances, it would definitely have been a better choice to never have dated in the first place.
- What about the awkward pile of gym clothes you have sitting atop your desk chair that silently reminds you of just how many times you slept out? Guarantee you that those will be either auctioned off to your friends or thrown out before the guy asks for them back. In the event that happens, well, he was a douche bag to begin with.
- The problem is, just as the relationship consumed every part of your life, so does the break up. I’m sure the two of you have gotten down in places you shouldn’t have — the stacks — and now you have to be painfully reminded every time you go to study. No way are you going to be able to concentrate with that on your mind.
- The truth is, college is a special time in our lives where hook-ups are plentiful, the stories are even better and the beds are twin XL’s (sounds so sexy right?). I quote the Almighty Girl’s Guide to Relationships Bible, “Sex and the City”: some labels (like boyfriend and girlfriend) are meant to be left in the closet.
