December 11, 2013 - 8:21pm
BY ANDREW LIEBERMAN
Amazon CEO, Jeffrey Bezos, released a groundbreaking announcement on “60 Minutes” recently. The multi-billionaire shared Amazon’s new development — a drone that delivers packages from Amazon warehouses directly to the consumer’s home. Before Amazon implements these drones, more testing is required and approval by the Federal Aviation Administration is necessary; security and safety threats are clearly a concern. But guys, come on, Amazon’s drones present a much more obvious problem than safety; they’re taking away opportunities. Opportunities for whom you may ask? The drone will be the nail in the coffin for carrier pigeons and will surely put milkmen out of business. Additionally, and perhaps most significant, the drones will absolutely be the death of kites.
Carrier pigeons did great things for this country. In WWI and WWII, they were integral in transporting messages that probably won the wars for us. Now, the poor pigeons will become obsolete and most likely euthanized as a result of the drones replacing them. The drones will be able to transport packages in 30 minutes. I have no idea how fast pigeons can fly but I wouldn’t imagine that they possess the stamina of an Amazon drone. Let’s all take this opportunity to say goodbye to the carrier pigeon as the corporate monster known as Amazon aims to destroy them.
If it wasn’t bad enough that drones are ruining carrying pigeons for society, how about the fact they will make the milkman obsolete? Amazon sells groceries in Seattle and the Los Angeles area. So now instead of your friendly, neighborhood milkman dropping off your daily dose of cereal stuffing you’ll have a robot from Amazon; the robot isn’t friendly and comforting like your old milkman. Additionally, how’s the drone going to know how to find the milk chute? Good luck configuring drones with milk chute finding capabilities, Amazon.
Now how about kites? Let’s talk kites. Remember when you were a kid and kites were all the rage? You’d buy a kite, take it to the park and run all around trying to get it up but it never would; but it didn’t matter because you had a great time. If drones are whizzing across the sky then no way will kites be legal. It would be far too easy for a drone to crash into a kite, causing substantial damage to the drone. There’s also the possibility of a crash landing and, worse yet, the destruction of the package. For the sake of the drone and the product it is carrying, I see no circumstance where drones and kites can coexist in the sky.
Amazon drones will prevail; there are no bones about it. I’m not concerned with the inevitable complications that hundreds or thousands of drones flying through the air will cause with airplanes. I’m not worried about drones crashing into people, homes or cars. I’m not even bothered with the fact that the drones will raise all sorts of personal privacy concerns. I am, however, concerned about these American hating machines taking away things we once loved and grew up with. Goodbye milkmen. Goodbye kites. Goodbye carrier pigeons. Hello Amazon… the sky is yours now and so is our happiness.