I got up, went to work, made some ’60s style misogynistic comments while at work (so far, so good), watched an episode during lunch (it begins), watched another episode when work got out, watched another episode on the way home and watched a couple more before going to bed. Butt-numb-lucidity perpetuated this vicious cycle of failure.

But the cyclical nature of it all, coupled with an ability to reinvent itself, makes “Mad Men” a classic. Too bad I can’t say the same for my life. Five days all seemed to mold into one state of constancy. Some could say my life gained structure. I didn’t spend any time thinking about what I wanted to do because whenever any free time came up, the little voice in my head said, “I wonder what kind of cuff-links Draper wears today.” Other than the casually misogynistic comments (which I apologize for), my work didn’t suffer. On a couple occasions, I tried to sneak naps in the break room and tried to pretend my boss’s secretary was my own.

But I’m beyond that now.

Takeaways:

1) Alcohol is a way of life. Seriously, there are people drinking whiskey at 10 in the morning, with a minibar setup in every single office, with company funds set aside specifically to make sure the minibars are never empty. I don’t know what’ll kill them first — the existential crisis everyone seems to be suffering from or exploding liver disease.

2) Cigarettes.

3) Don is not a good person. Don’t get me wrong — I still think he embodies suave à la 007, but his outward sheen hides a tortured, confused personality. He’s a man so used to manipulation, change and movement that he no longer knows where he’s going. So he does the only thing he can: He moves faster, flailing around in brazen attempts to distract whoever’s watching, and make no mistake — everyone is.

4) Glen is the Antichrist and he gives me nightmares.