If you’re like me, you’ve already fully immersed yourself in the winter holiday spirit, and Halloween seems like a distant memory. But to Halloween we must return, if just for a moment, to discuss matters of grave importance.
A few weeks ago, I was in Salem, Mass., visiting all the buildings used for exterior shots in the cult classic, “Hocus Pocus.” I was completely in my element, pointing out the familiar scenery and quoting my favorite lines. Then, without warning, my sister uttered the fateful line: “You know they’re thinking of making a ‘Hocus Pocus’ musical on Broadway.”
This changes everything.
For those of you who don’t know, “Hocus Pocus” is a 1993 film staring Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kathy Najimy as the Sanderson Sisters, three witches who try to remain young by stealing the souls of children. It initially received negative reviews upon its theatrical release by whom, I can only assume, to be humorless vampires wishing to suck the joy and wonder out of life.
“Hocus Pocus” climbed its way to the top through strong VHS and eventually DVD sales, as well as record viewership on ABC Family’s “13 Nights of Halloween.” So here we are now, 20 years later, with “Hocus Pocus” largely regarded as both a cult classic and a Halloween staple. Truly, the only next logical step is a musical adaptation.
I’m not an expert on how musicals get made (my sister is the one who watches “Smash”), but it looks to me that a “Hocus Pocus” musical would have all the necessary features to succeed on stage.
First, the set list pretty much writes itself. Building off the original film’s spooky “Come Little Children” and of course the immensely enjoyable “I Put A Spell On You” would be a piece of cake. Max could sing, with angst, about missing his old life. Jay and Ice could have some sort of rap, à la Vanilla Ice. Dani could rhyme something with yabos and make everyone feel incredibly uncomfortable. Later, Max and Allison could share a romantic duet, and Emily could escort Thackery Binx to the afterlife in a Les Mis-esque finale.
And that’s not even counting all the awesome musical possibilities for the Sanderson Sisters. Also, Billy Butcherson, the zombie, would need his own number, although I leave that up to the professionals to sort out, considering he has his mouth sewn shut for most of the story.
Secondly, can you imagine the costumes and special effects, with brooms and vacuum cleaners flying through the air via stage wires? It would be like “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark,” except, you know, not terrible.
It’s also interesting to note that Bette Midler, Kathy Nijimy and Sarah Jessica Parker already have experience on Broadway. While I think it’s doubtful that they would reprise their roles, it could help in the funding and pre-production stages.
Plenty of films, especially those that flopped when first released, have found new life through different mediums. Take for example the not-so-great 1992 “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” movie rebooted as the widely popular and acclaimed television series of the same name a few years later. And the formula works even better with musical adaptions. Movies that got panned by critics, like “Newsies,” “Kinky Boots” and “Cry Baby,” all have been adapted into Tony Award-winning productions.
The time is right for a “Hocus Pocus” musical. I leave you to consider just how many virgin jokes could be made in such a show.