By Akshay Seth, Daily B-Side Editor
Published September 26, 2013
Watching the first three minutes of the “Shark Tank” is like being punched in the eye repeatedly by Kevin O’Leary — in the greatest way possible. Among the countless brilliant bits of unscripted dialogue found at every turn, we get to experience, firsthand, moments of organic beauty, like “This is the Shark Tank. There’s nothing else like it on earth. BOOOM,” and “That dog has a bow-tie on. That’s insane!” To be completely honest, I’ve always known this show was one of The Greats, but the latest season opener is perhaps the most brainless fun I’ve had watching TV since Simon Cowell was still verbally abusing damaged people in “American Idol” auditions.
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We follow the typical “Shark Tank” format we’ve come to know and love. A conveyor belt of wannabe business magnates parade around attempting to look intelligent as they pitch ideas to the likes of Mark Cuban and an MIA Daymond John (the guy who made FUBU). It’s a format that works so well because in essence, it’s like window shopping — watching things that we’ll never buy but leaving the dirty work of denying it to people who’re much better at insulting things. The best idea of the night, for sure, is Sweet Ballz (“that’s right, Sweet Ballz”), a cake-pop-like concoction that’s basically a glorified ball of bread with frosting on it. This is the stuff dreams are made of. So please, person-that-runs-“Shark Tank,” never change. Ever.