I know not all little girls can be ballerinas
but sometimes I feel the world is
spinning so fast
that my flat feet could dance
if someone only opened up the music box.
I'd fly out,
in a dizzying brilliance:
surely you'd go blind, watching me shine.
Motion sickness does that sometimes.
In fact, sickness has a funny way of finding the best way to gnaw into your heart,
into its very core,
without leaving a trail of breadcrumbs or bits of heartstrings
so you can easily trace its route.
Spinning is like that, too,
because sometimes I am caught up in such a rush
such a passion such lightspeedlife
that I lose track of my heart and can't reach the surface again.
Captain Morgan spun me once.
You might remember, you were there,
and it was a fun little ride:
with that boy
and many other brand-name bottles
and you.
But you took me too fast, I think.
You pulled me to the piano and made me
sit
and
write
because you needed a chorus and you liked my words
(or at least how they sounded when I whispered
warm murmmered mumbles in your ear
at other parties).
Sitting down made me spin more
and the room was slipping off its axis under minor chords,
So i tried to stand
and you told me I had to write that chorus and
"sing it loud so I can hear you,"
because you like thinking lyrics like that make you more romantic.
They do, sometimes.
Just not when everything is
moving
so
fast.
I hummed some la-dee-dahs,
da-da-dos,
and something about yellow butterflies that follow me everywhere I walk
because I'd read it in a book once.
It didn't fit your song about “broken glass / and pieces of the past”;
but you sang along,
loud, so I could hear you.
Then you played me Elton John,
because I adore him,
and because you did that, I thought I adored you, too,
So I leaned in close to your ear and whispered
softly,
slowly,
how I always wanted to be a tiny dancer
like the one in my mother's jewelry box:
graceful and hourglass-shaped,
a musical manikin,
perfect and poised.
As romantic as you are,
you reached over
and patted my thigh three times,
saying,
"Don't be silly. Fat girls can't wear tu-tus."