“The Beast”
A&E, Thursdays at 10 p.m.

1 out of 5 Stars

Apparently, the people at A&E thought that casting a big-name actor and giving him a missile launcher was all it would take to create a successful high-action crime show. They were mistaken.

A&E’s new action drama “The Beast” fails miserably. Neither exciting nor clever, the show is yet another indicator of Patrick Swayze’s (“Roadhouse”) status as a has-been.

Swayze plays Charles Barker, an experienced undercover FBI agent whose unorthodox investigation methods — yes, the shoot first, ask later gag, again — are frowned upon by his colleagues. For an undisclosed reason, Barker selects young Ellis Dove (Travis Fimmel, “Restraint”) to be his partner and he trains him in his reckless techniques. Despite Barker’s harsh treatment of his apprentice, Dove comes to respect and even admire him. But Dove's loyalty will be tested this season as the FBI enlists him to watch and report Barker for illicit behavior.

In the premiere, Barker and Dove go undercover to expose gangsters accused of weapon smuggling. This plot-line takes up a large portion of the show, even though it’s never made clear who these gangsters are, why they’re smuggling weapons or how the FBI knows about it.

“The Beast” tries relentlessly to be suspenseful and shocking, but it ends up vague, confusing and not even remotely entertaining. When Barker pulls out his gun in the middle of a park and threatens a woman, it’s unclear who the woman is, how she's involved in the story and why he’s threatening her. Similarly, when Dove has to coerce a man into giving him the launch codes for an oversized rocket launcher, there are no clues as to why he has the launch codes or how the ordeal results in them doing drugs together.

While it may be difficult for producers to decide what information is vital enough to include in an hour-long program, this is no excuse for the confusion that the producers of “Beast” allow. The producers must’ve decided viewers would be satisfied with long scenes of unexplained gun-waving and drug abuse rather than a plot they could actually follow.

The absence of any background story could’ve been mitigated by some bad-ass action scenes. Sadly, the little action that does appear is stale and comes at random moments. The only notable instance of action occurs when Swayze shoots a missile at a parked car to demonstrate to the smugglers that he couldn’t possibly be an undercover FBI agent. But this brief minute of epic weaponry is surrounded and diluted by cheesy, macho dialogue and a sad attempt to create a moral struggle. The excitement in these moments isn’t worth the pain of sitting through the rest of the show.

“Beast” suffers from a serious identity crisis. It’s too over-the-top and melodramatic to be considered a serious action show — the sound of squealing tires plays whenever a car appears. Yet the drama just isn’t hard-edge enough for people to overlook its unrealistic and poorly developed plot.

It’s unfortunate that Swayze chose to involve himself in this show given its complete lack of promise. We can only hope that the end of Patrick Swayze’s career will be quick and painless, unlike the experience of watching “The Beast.”