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BY RYAN KARTJE — THE MICHIGAN DAILY AND JEREMY WARNEMUENDE — STATE NEWS
Published October 7, 2010
In the week leading up to the Michigan-Michigan State football game each year, football writers from the Daily and the student newspaper at Michigan State exchange columns. You can find this year's installment below, starting with the Daily and followed by the State News.
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The Michigan Daily's Ryan Kartje:
My sister was never one for common sense. We’ve been telling her this for years.
Despite this, she had always told me she wanted to follow in my footsteps and go to one of the finest schools, athletically and academically, in the country. A place where couches remain untorched and blondes remain unbleached. I held out hope for her.
So you can imagine my disappointment when she decided to go back on that promise, give up any remaining common sense or job prospects, and apply to Michigan State.
But there’s still time to save her.
There’s still time to consider other paths of education. Trade school, perhaps? A healthy apprenticeship with the local garbage man, maybe? Either would lead to a more respectable job, post-graduation.
So I leave this to you sis, my last plea to get you back to your senses and to keep you where you belong: Ann Arbor. Remember, you’re already my little sister, you don’t need to be my little brother too.
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Dear little sister,
You know I care about you. That’s why I’m doing this. But just so you get a picture of what life would be like in East Lansing, let me describe how that first year would go.
First off, chances are you’ll end up in one of Michigan State’s fine dormitory establishments — just a hop, skip, a jump and a 30-minute walk from everything else on campus. Once you get settled in that night, make sure you take a trip down East Grand River to stop in at Gumby’s for its famous late-night pizza — a place where Michigan State students crave “pokey stix” because garlic knots are too complicated.
I know you get homesick, but don’t worry: they do all they can to make you feel welcome in that first week. Maybe you’ll play some icebreakers with your R.A. and your hall. Or maybe, you guys could go out and get ice cream. Maybe the football team will even take time out of their night and bring in the welcome wagon like they did for the new kids at Rather Hall last year by wearing ski masks and beating the tar out of you and your freshman friends.
Once you make it to the weekend, that first Saturday should be something you never forget: your first gameday as a college student. Now, I know you’ve only been to gamedays in Ann Arbor, so I made you a list of ways to fit in when you make your way into Spartan Stadium:
1. Don’t show your disappointment when you realize the stadium has almost 40,000 fewer seats than you’re used to. I hear the upper level really isn’t that bad, especially with binoculars.
2. I know you love to sing, so make sure to read up on the Michigan State fight song. Once you get over the fact that it has nine more lines to remember than the gold standard at Michigan and that most of the lyrics don’t rhyme, it shouldn’t be too hard.
3. If you ever start talking football with another student, remember your facts: State has won six Big Ten titles, just one fewer than the University of Chicago (which left the conference and Division I in 1946). You have zero Heisman Trophy winners and a grand total of two Pro Football Hall of Famers to Michigan’s three and eight, respectively. And the greatest triumph in the history of State football was delivered by Appalachian State in 2007. That last one’s important, make sure to harp on it as much as possible.
4. Lastly, make sure you ignore the fact that you’ve seen probably half the offense on either an episode of Dateline or re-runs of The Longest Yard. Remember, Sparty deserves second, third and fourth chances, too.
If this sounds at all appealing, then I guess I can’t do anything to stop you. You being a little sibling, I understand that you would do anything in your power to step out of your successful older brother’s shadow. And maybe you would enjoy events like “Tie your shoes like Kirk Cousins” Day, where everyone pretends they don't know how cool it is that Denard Robinson runs with untied shoes.
And would you look at that?





















